Life's short: eat cheezits

Setting: daytime, in the kitchen, in southern California. The sun is shining.
I sit at the bar looking at my mom, while she sips pero leisurely out of a white ceramic mug. We are having a serious conversation. About what exactly? I can't say that I recall. I ask my mom a very serious question, to which she responds with a pensive look for two seconds before saying, "I don't know." She then proceeds to pull Cheezits from her sweats pocket and put them into her mouth.
My mouth falls open.
"Mom... did you really just pull cheezits out of your pocket?"
She looks at me sheepishly, "...Yes... it saves me a trip to the cupboard!"
I adore my mother with all of my heart. This woman knows what's up. Who needs another trip to the cupboard to grab some Cheezits when you have a perfectly respectable pocket that can carry them just fine? Nobody, I tell you, nobody!
I have since taken to carrying things in my sweats pockets, so don't be alarmed if I pull something out of them like, say, a sandwich, or the contents of my purse, aight? Just sayin'. But really though.
We never know how long life is going to be, do we? You could live sixty more years, you could live sixty more seconds, you could live your life without eating another cheezit in your life, and what kind of life would that be? Probably a slightly healthy one. But usually, if I'm craving cheezits and I don't get cheezits, I just eat around the craving. It's a proven scientific fact, folks.
But seriously, you don't know how long life will last. Do your best, be your best, be your kindest, most honest, most loving, most generous self. Be happy with yourself at the end of the day knowing that you have done what's right. Always strive to find that happiness in knowing that God is pleased with your life.Wake up thankful for every day that the Lord has granted you to live. Wake up knowing that the same Lord that granted you another day of life, loves you and loves everyone else you've ever come in contact with. Look through someone else's eyes whenever you have the chance. See the world through their perspective. Be compassionate, be sympathetic, be understanding, be forgiving. Be everything that you want someone else to be to you. And above all, be you. You are you for a reason. There is no one else like you! Be grateful that you're the only you.
Sometimes we feel like the best people seem to have the hardest lives. But at the same time, it's those great people with the hard lives that seem to have the best lives, because they don't waste their time blaming the world for hardships that have tripped them up. Instead they seem to find the happiness and beauty and joy in learning from the trials that they're given. Because that's what they are: given. They are a gift. Without the trials you've made it through thus far in life, you would never have become the person you are today. Be grateful you have the opportunity to better understand the rest of God's children. He understands us perfectly, and when we're given the opportunity to go through something really difficult, I feel like we're given the chance to become that much more like Him, if we choose to. You have two options: happiness or bitterness. Do you even have to think about what you choose? I know I don't!
Life happens. Things happen that you cannot control. Don't waste your time being angry about them, because you don't hurt anyone but yourself.
So go stuff some cheezits in your pockets and be happy.

Cheers, loves. <3

I hate the Doctor. But at least mine is from Trinidad.

I made my mom come with me to the doctor. I'm a sissy. Yeah, get over it. I'm twenty one years old, and I made my mom come with me to the doctor this morning. And I went in sweats.
I'm over it, you should be too.
On top of that, I was fasting.
I don't fast. I'm not supposed to fast. Bad things happen. But, since they were taking my blood, I knew I had to.
I think I almost passed out like fifty times.
So anyway, I hate the doctor. But mine is from Trinidad and she has four names. Yeah, she's black, she's got swag, and she's from the islands. Does it get much cooler?! I vote no. And actually, she was really nice.
So I was speculating with my mom as to why I hate the doctor. I just do! I love the dentist, but I hate going to the doctor. We finally decided that it must be because sometimes doctor's have bad news. Like, what if they take all their tests and the doctor tells me I have three weeks to live? Or what if she takes one look inside my ears and tells me I have a tumor in my ear? JUST WHAT IF, PEOPLE!! OKAY?!?!
I get real nervous about it.
So whilst I was praying my little heart out on the way to the doctor's office, my mother was patiently driving behind some numbskulls in the right-hand lane. Ordinarily, I would have been particularly perturbed by the other driver's bullheadedness, but considering my circumstances, I can't say I was doing much of anything besides complaining that I was hungry in between little inward outbursts of prayers. Like I said, I don't do well without food. I have extremely low blood sugar, and when it dips, I get grumpy, then I get tired, then I black out. Not good things, peeps, not good!
We waited for half an hour before I even got in to see the doctor. I woke up right before 8, and I didn't get in to see the doctor until ten minutes past 10. And then this teeny little girl, probably not even five feet tall walks into the waiting room wearing skinny jeans, ugg boots, a Drake t-shirt and a fur hat, tucks her little right foot underneath her left leg, and looks snugger than a bug in a rug sitting on that uncomfortable waiting room chair. Her fairy feet didn't even touch the ground! I mean, this girl was tiny. So I turn to my mom and tell her how I've always been really jealous of really short girls, because I'm nothing but legs and no matter how hard I try to fit into little spaces like that, it just doesn't work! Thank goodness she agreed with me, even if she was just trying to get me to calm down. Seriously, even five minutes I was saying something like, "They must have forgotten me. Should I go say something to the nurse?" "No, I do NOT want to be THAT patient..." "Are we at the wrong office?" "Was I supposed to give them another paper?" "What if all my information is wrong?"
I'm just now realizing how amazing my mom is for putting up with all of my nonsensical rambling. Thanks mom :) you're the best ever.
But let's be real. Doctors - usually they are old men. Right? Right. They have man hands. Right? Right. They're usually slightly scary looking. Right? Right. Sometimes they smell like old Old Spice. Don't fight me on this. I'm right. Swan dive.
Not to say that old man handy old spicey men aren't fabulous individuals, because my doctors who may or may not fit that description were fabulous individuals, but that doesn't mean I wasn't terrified to death every single time I walk into the office.
Also, I always get higher readings on my blood pressure and heart rate because I'm freakishly nervous. I have a really low heart rate, and a really low blood pressure, and actually... when I go to the doctor, my heart rate is always high, and my blood pressure is always normal (which is high for me... ). Which is always frustrating to say the least.
And then your doctor always has to ask you something like, "so... what's up?" And I almost wanna be like, "Well, you know, same old same old, how about you?" But instead I just stare at her with wide eyes for a second accompanied by a dull "uhhh...." and turn to my mom behind me, with yet another, "uhhhh... *gulp*... uhhhh.... well... I'm really tired all the time... and uhhhh..." and my mom interjects something about how I fall asleep on piles of clothes in the afternoons some days, and if it's not a pile of clothes, it's just the floor. "I uhhhhh.... " I turn back to stare at the mom again. Oh how mothers save the day. I honestly would have died without her. Of fright and stupidity. I honestly lost my memory somewhere between the blood pressure machine and the gray table/chair thing that I occupied at the time of the nonsensical rambling. All I could think about was that banana and granola bar waiting for me in my purse as soon as I got done with that blood work. That thought kept me sane.
And then came the pharmacy and the blood work. Wait in line, drop off prescription. Wait in line, get number for blood work. Get up, pick up prescription. Sit down, wait for number to be called. Proceed to people watch.
Finally. Oh heavens. Of course I would get the phlebotomist that wiggles the needle around every time she removes and inserts a vial, which there conveniently happened to be four of. I tell you what, I have become one squeamish little individual over the years. Maybe phlebotomy is just an organization of vampires that have figured out a way to dupe society into believing that doctor's actually need our blood for "test" when really it's just so this hoard of creepy people who like blood, a.k.a vampires, can continue to exist. Prove me wrong, I dare you. Just kidding. I don't feel like talking about blood that much.
And so, as lame as this blog post was, I just want you all to know that I do not like the doctor, but I do like my doctor's accent. Also, I survived it. Here's to the folks who can do what I can't! Here, here, Doctor Jacob-Fox, you foxy doctor, you.

Sweet dreams, gentle readers.

God has a sense of humor.

I really, truly believe that God has a sense of humor.
But really, He has to. God created us, and He created our emotions, and we are created in His image. However, He is perfect, and we are not, therefore, He has perfect control over His emotions, when we do not. He would definitely have the best sense of humor, I'm entirely certain of that. He probably has the best jokes ever.
I can't wait for the millennium.
I bring this up because of something that happened to me last night.
Life is incredibly difficult, as we all know. We all face different trials and challenges and hardship, and the Lord knows and understands this. Well, I've been having just one of those weeks (or two); it's just been tough. I know the Lord understands, though, so I do my best to keep a positive attitude about things and find things to be happy and cheerful about. And this is why I know God has a sense of humor.
Last night I had to go pick up my sister from her friend's house, and I had to run to Walmart to pick something up. We only have one car now, since my other car got stolen a couple weeks ago, so there is much dropping off and picking up of various people to various places. I had just gotten home from Family Home Evening, and I was the only one dressed, so my parents asked if I could go pick up my sister, so I said yes. I picked her up and we went over to Walmart together. I had taken my dad's truck, since my BMW (my non-stolen car) was expired and I didn't want to risk getting pulled over.
As we pulled into the Walmart parking lot, I zeroed in on a spot, made a beeline for it and proceeded to park the truck.
Parking a truck is very different than parking a little bitty four-door sedan. Oh, so very different.
I was turning right into this parking spot, and there was a mini-van parked directly to the right of it, and on the left side of the parking spot there were four carts, three of which were hooked together. I knew I wasn't going to be able to make this turn without hitting the carts, but I thought, what the heck, they're just carts, and there aren't any cars around for them to hit if they roll anywhere, so I nicked them just enough to where I could get into my spot.
Well, I had only left about a foot of room between myself and the mini van to the right.
Oops.
To my left I'm suddenly watching these three carts roll backwards and slowly pick up speed... apparently I had hit them just right. I'm watching in the side view mirror as these carts gain speed as they make their way toward the road. Meanwhile, the owner of the mini van is impatiently waiting for me to move so he can get into his van. By now the carts have gained the speed they need to apparently flip around and head straight into oncoming traffic, causing quite a pileup of cars. I'm really trying to focus on the Indian man that wants to get into his van, but I really can't keep it together, because I'm watching these three carts as they travel down the street. They seriously look like they are being pushed by invisible people.
My sister and I are in tears laughing our heads off.
And then someone pulls into the spot to my left. My Indian friend is still waiting to get into his car, so I motion to the black lady that parked to my left that she can go, but she shakes her head and stares at me with wide eyes, muttering under her breath. I am entirely certain she was either terrified out of her mind or she was counteracting my black magic, as she must have thought those carts were being propelled by some evil force of my own.
I'm still in tears of laughter.
I finally pull myself together enough to straighten out the truck so my Indian friend can leave. And leave he does. I'm sure he thought we were psychotic. He saw those runaway carts too, and I'm entirely sure he was under the same impression that our black lady friend was, whatever that was.
But I really don't care, because I had the time of my life. That honestly may have been, hands down, one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me in my entire life thus far.
When my sister and I got out of the car, we about lost ourselves again when we saw the three carts, still hooked together, sitting in the middle of the street way at the bottom.
And thus, God has a sense of humor. I'm sure He knew I was in need of a pick-me-up. Also, I'm sure he has some pretty comical angels out there (Bob Hope, anyone?) and let's be honest, if you were a dead funny man, wouldn't you love doing things like that? Yeah, I'm pretty sure Bob Hope was pushing those carts of mine just for my merriment :) and merry I was that night.

Cheers, readers.
Notice the fun things in life, huh? Good. Ok. Class dismissed.

I'm walking with an angel.

We moved to Provo when I was two years old. At first we lived on a street called Cherry lane, and a couple years later moved around the corner to Ash Avenue. Our house on Ash was the rented, upstairs floor of small, two bedroom, one bathroom home. Our landlady was old and lived elsewhere. In the basement of our house a separate kitchen, a bedroom, an old washroom, a bathroom and a huge room full of.. stuff. I don't even know what was in that room - a piano, furniture, boxes of dishes maybe - but I do have a memory of looking into that room and wondering how on earth things could be so old and dusty and forgotten, because that's what they were: old, dusty and forgotten. Part of me wanted to explore all the forgotten parts of this room, but the other, stronger part, was too terrified of what bugs and cobwebs might be in that room, and also knew that we weren't allowed in that room anyway. Miss Guilty Conscience here didn't like getting in trouble.
Our backyard was deep, green and beautiful. We had an irrigation ditch that ran the width of our yard along the back fence which my baby sister, less than a year old at the time, practically lived in. When she wasn't asking to take a nap, she was half naked, sitting in the irrigation ditch with the dog. We also had a big walnut tree that my brother and I used to string my barbies from which his G.I. Joes heroically saved, and a sandbox with a wooden frame that we put so many burn marks into from failed, and successful, attempts at burning ants and other bugs with a magnifying glass.
Our next-door neighbors to the left were an elderly couple that quickly became our fourth set of grandparents. My baby sister would go over to their house and ask if "diduh wayenn" (sister warren) could play. And play they did! You could hardly understand a word that came out of my sister's mouth, but she didn't mind as long as you nodded your head and pretended like you understood, and she'd go right on babbling!
They lived in a two-story house. Their kitchen was huge, their bedroom was peach colored, and their couches were white, velvet floral, and will forever be ingrained in my childhood. In their backyard, they had a huge walnut tree, two apple trees up against the fence with a hammock strung between them, and the "Little House," inside of which, we all put our hand prints. For a little while, they even had a shaggy white dog named Chaka (Shaka maybe, I have no idea how to spell it) that was so crazy he had to be fenced all the time. We loved that dog, though, and we fed it "Chakaberries" from the "Chakaberry bush" next to his cage pretty much everyday. I'm a hundred percent sure there is no such thing as a Chakaberry bush, and I'm also a hundred percent sure I don't know what the real name of that bush was!
We would go camping with gramps and gran every summer, at least once, have fires in their backyard, do projects with gramps, and make cookies with gran. It was every child's dream! I learned so much from my sweet grandparents, and I still learn so much from them. It's funny how one thing said to you as a child can mean something entirely different once you grow up.
When we were younger, my brother and sister and I would head over to gramps' and gran's, and if any of us ever accidentally uttered the word "can't" we were promptly told by our no-nonsense gran to stop our swearing. There was no way on this earth that our gran would ever let us use that word in her house, let alone in our vocabulary, if she could help it. At the time, I didn't think much of it, in fact, I just thought it was a silly rule, because I thought it entirely true that I couldn't do certain things. But there was simply no way gran was going to have any of that. So we learned to say things like, "not able to at this time," or "don't understand how to at this time," or "will be able to."
Can I just say it was borderline annoying as a five year old? Looking back now, however, I see the wisdom in her words. The moment you say "can't" you put a limitation on yourself. We are capable of tremendous things. No one thought Helen Keller would ever be able to do much of anything, let alone speak, and yet she did. And what about that girl who swam the English Channel with no arms or legs? She did what no one thought she could do, either.
You're stronger than you think you are. You can do the things you don't think you can. You have within you the power to do great things.
One of the things that I loved about my gramps and gran was their little expressions of love toward each other. Everyday before work, gramps would leave a note for gran on a paper napkin. Usually it would say something like, "I love you," but he would change it up every day. She hung that napkin on the fridge everyday, and replaced it with a new note the next day. Even as a little girl, I thought that was probably the sweetest thing I'd ever seen any man do for his wife. He treated her, and still treats her, so amazingly. I can only hope I marry a man half as amazing as my gramps.
I remember on one camping trip taking a walk with my gramps. He lovingly held my soft, small hand in his rough, calloused hand, as we walked along the paved road inbetween campsites. His hands felt worn, but they were strong and comforting and made me feel safe. Softly, I could hear him singing a melody, "I'm walkin' with an angel, an angel, an angel, I'm walkin' with an angel..." as we made our way through the campsite. When I asked him what the song was, he asked me what I thought it meant. I asked him if he meant the angel was me. He smiled, and with a twinkle in his wise and thoughtful eyes, he told me that even though that was true, that wasn't exactly what he meant by the song. Then he told me a story.
My gramps and gran had two sons. To my knowledge, at the time, those were their only children. In fact, one of their sons used a fifty cent ring that I had gotten out of a vending machine to propose to his wife. But that's another story. What I didn't know was that my gramps and gran had had another child - a daughter. She passed away a few days after she was born due to complications. I was surprised to see my gramps smile as he told me the story, and I wondered why he didn't seem sadder. But then he went on to tell me that sometimes when he would go on walks by himself, he could feel his daughter walking right by his side. He said he knew it then, too. We were walking with an angel.
And I could feel her walking with us then as we walked through the trees together. As we walked, I joined in singing that sweet melody with my gramps. The three of us, walking together through the beautiful woods. It's one of my sweetest memories.
I wish right now that I could sing that beautiful melody to all of you, because the words alone on this page don't do the melody justice. But I hope you feel at least a little bit of what I'm feeling as I write this. Sometimes I sing that song to myself, and I close my eyes, and I remember the feeling of my gramps rough, loving hand closed around mine, feeling like nothing in the world could hurt me, feeling all the love in the world, and knowing, without a doubt, that I was walking with an angel. In fact, I often find that sweet melody drifting through my thoughts throughout the day, and I wonder why it has stuck with me so long. Sometimes I wonder if I still have the melody right, or if I've mixed it with another melody I'm familiar with.
But that melody and that memory mean so much to me. That knowledge, knowing that there are angels around us all the time, has been part of my testimony for such a long time. I know, without a doubt, that we walk with angels all the time. There have been times in my life that I've felt so heavy, and I know that the only way possible that I made it through those days at all is because those angels were holding me up.
Just take the time to feel those angels around you, walking with you.
You're walking with an angel.
<3

I am not Clark Kent, I am Superman.

More often than not I find myself lifting up my head just enough to where I look like an nerdy snob whenever I wear my glasses. You know the look - your glasses are just too low, but you either don't have the hands to push them up where they belong, you're just too lazy, or, in my case, your eyelashes are too long for you to really be wearing glasses anyway, but since you do, you can only shove them up so far on the bridge of your nose before they're running into your eyeballs, so you are destined to look like a nerdy snob. The only option I have is to lift my chin up so I can see. Thus, resulting in the nerdy snob look. Ah well, I blame genetics for both my bad eyes and my bug eyes. I get the bug eyes from my mother - big eyes with really long eyelashes. I only have 12 eyelashes, though - 3 on each lid. They're long though! Ok, slight exaggeration, but in comparison to my sister, I feel like I have 12 eyelashes! Who I got the bad eyes from, though, would take too long to explain, seeing as my parents both have 20/20 vision. Riddle me that, Poindexter.

Glasses are a funny thing. They can totally change the way you feel about yourself. I'm serious! When I don't wear my glasses, I feel different because, for one thing, everything is slightly fuzzy, I find myself squinting a bit, but I do feel more "present" and aware. When I do wear them though, I feel like I've stepped into a different persona! But... now that I use that analogy, I realize that it's more like Superman stepping into Clark Kent more, and to be honest, I've never been a huge Clark Kent fan. Superman is a different story; he's super cool, I mean, he's a superhero, of course he's super cool! But Clark Kent... I just could never get past his super awkwardness. We have all met nerds in our lives, and actually, I'm pretty sure we're all nerds about one thing or another. Me? I'm a Doctor Who nerd, and so proud of it. But that's another story entirely. Another time, readers, another time. Back to nerds. We all know nerds! Why is it that some nerds are super cool, and some are just... awkward? Well, I don't think I need to explain much more, but Clark Kent is just an awkward nerd. Clark Kent people skills - 0. Superman people skills - a bajillion. I don't understand why this is, because he's still the same guy, he just wears his underwear on the outside of his spandex and added a cape. How is THAT cool?

I don't wear my underwear outside of my spandex when I take my glasses off, I assure you. My glasses, though, are kind of indie, and they make me feel pretty hip and stylin' whenever I wear them. People seem to recognize me less when I wear them, though. In fact, my bishop didn't recognize me the first time I wore them to church. He came up to me later and apologized for not saying, "hello!" because he didn't know it was me.

Isn't that funny how just one little thing can change you? No one would look at Clark Kent and go, "oh hey, I'm pretty that guy is Superman!" even though they look identical... but that's not the point. Superman has made us believe that changing the way that we look will change who we are, and even turn us into superheroes. Can we really change that much about ourselves in just the blink of an eye? My mom and I were talking today about our recent move to California. Every time we moved cities in Utah she would tell me that I had the opportunity to take all the things about myself that I didn't like and change them. I had the chance to become a better person.

Most of the times I moved around was when I was younger. Looking back now, I can't remember what things I didn't like about myself that I decided to change, because they probably weren't terribly important. I think I was always the same person, but when you're in one place for so long, sometimes you become complacent with who you are, and your desire to progress as a person kind of slips away. Sometimes it's not because you don't want to change; sometimes it's because everyone already sees you as one thing, even though that may not be who you want to be. As human beings, we often get caught up in how others view us, when that, in reality, is hardly important. Are you who you want to be? Does God know who you are? Those are the things that really matter. God knows the intentions of your heart. He knows who you really are, even if no one else seems to see that. The important thing is that you portray the best you that you have.

Who we are on the inside can often be reflected by what we wear, how we carry ourselves, our demeanor, our attitude, and how we treat others. But just as often as those reflections are true, those reflections can be false. Too often, we use these things as a mask to cover who we really are, to cover up the things we don't like about ourselves. Is Clark Kent really a nerd, or is he really Superman?

I think he's Superman. The nerd is just a cover. He doesn't want people to really know that he's Superman; he doesn't want everyone to know that he has all these killer abilities and that he's super awesome! So he hides behind a desk, his glasses, his suit and tie and awkward glances. But I am not Clark Kent. I am Superman. And so are you! What have you got to be ashamed about? God made you, and He knew what He was doing when He did it. I've struggled in the past with certain things about myself. When I was 12 I got really sick and lost a lot of weight, weight that didn't come back until I graduated high school. When I did start to gain weight, it really messed with my mind. I knew I needed to gain weight in order to be healthy, but I couldn't help but feel fat. I fought those feelings, and thank goodness I shared them with my mom and my Heavenly Father, otherwise I honestly think I could have gone anorexic. I hid that about myself for a long time, though. But I know the Lord made me the way He did, and now I'm really grateful for a healthy body that works, even if I still struggle with loving the way that I look.

Inside, we have greatness. We're given so much. Don't hide the super inside you! I want so badly to take all the girls in high school by the hand and tell them how beautiful they are, and tell them that the things they think matter right now, won't matter in 5 years. I want to tell them all the things that are special about them. I want to tell them how being unique makes them more wonderful. I want to tell them that the boys who break their hearts will regret it later. I want to tell them that

Kim Kardashian is my idol for one reason - she rocks her big booty. I don't "quite" have a Kim Kardashian booty, but my mom and sister are both built straight up and down, they don't got no hips. And when I say they don't got no hips, I mean it... they don't got NO hips. My sister and I were at Goodwill trying on jeans last week, and I tried on one pair of jeans that fit just fine around my legs, but there ain't no way those jeans was fittin' around my hips. So I handed them to my little sister, and *whoosh* they slid right on. I had to notice that the jeans fit around her legs the same way they fit around mine, but they were almost loose around her waist. It was amazing to me how we could be built so differently. The opposite thing happened when we were trying on shirts. She would try on a shirt that fit her too tightly around the... uh, chest... and then she would hand it to me to try on. I would put the same shirt on, and all the sudden my... uh, chest... disappeared.

But I'm learning to love it. And this is why I love Kim Kardashian. Don't judge me. I know, Keeping up with the Kardashians leaves something to be desired, to say the least, but I love that Kim and Khloe aren't size 0's, and they're proud of it! I know I'm still thin, I'm not fat by any means, and I know it might sound silly to some of you, but I honest to goodness have struggled with feeling fat for a long time. One thing that my new-found womanly figure has helped? More and more people believe me when I say I'm old enough to drive! I can't tell you how many times I get people asking me when I graduate high school instead of when I graduate college. Oh well, I'll look good when I'm 50, right?

Well, I'll quit my babbling. Go be super, and don't hide behind your Clark Kent glasses!

Till next time, gentle readers, stay awesome. :)

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Right now, at this very moment, I am getting chills from a beautiful rendition of Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing. Have you ever heard the version that's in Reflections of Christ? I think it may be my favorite. The version I'm listening to right now is by two missionaries, one on the piano, and one singing, and they're doing the version from Reflections of Christ! He sings so passionately, it's so beautiful! Now, everything sounds better in a studio, but I think they sound pretty spectacular on this recording, so just imagine what chills they must have been giving everyone live. I can only imagine the spirit that was there!

Since this is my 100th post (finally!) I thought at first that it might be a good idea to do something special... but... I changed my mind. I have so many things on my mind that I would rather just blog what's on my mind. For those of you who don't know, I recently packed up and moved to California, the sweet, sweet land of California! Needless to say, the weather is heavenly, the gas prices and every other prices, not so much. Thankfully, the good outweighs the bad. I love my ward, I love living with my family, I love that there are dances every weekend, I love that it's October and it's still in the 80's, I love that there is always something to do, I love that all the members of the church hang out together, but most of all, I love that I know this is where the Lord wants me to be. That knowledge alone makes living here so exciting. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Faith is a funny thing, isn't it? It requires a lot of action. When I got the answer to move here, I definitely knew the Lord was telling me, and He was telling me to move NOW. Now, usually, when an answer comes that distinctly, and that strongly, there is good reason for it. My sweet, adopted grandma pulled out this talk when I told her that I was moving 8 1/2 hours away. She pointed out that, as Elder Bednar points out, revelation is usually received line upon line, like a light switch dimmer. At first you can see nothing, then the next second, you can start the make out objects, but there are no details, but slowly, as the switch is turned onto its' full power, you can eventually see the whole picture. Occasionally, though, the Lord will give us revelation like turning on a light switch in a pitch black room. Sometimes it has to do with our safety, other times it has to do with someone else's safety, sometimes it means it's just important, and still other times the Lord wants to know that we will do what He commands. Regardless the reason, it's important to follow whatever the Lord tells you to do exactly when He tells you to do it.

And I couldn't be happier that I did. That's not to say that leaving Utah wasn't extremely and painfully hard, because it was. There are so many wonderful people, so many family members, so many people who I feel are as close as family members, that I left. Thankfully, they've been nothing but supportive. I can't honestly say why exactly the Lord wanted me to come here, but that's not really the point. The Lord has an infinitely better plan for me than I could ever make for myself. That much I do know. :)

But life is hard. When is life not hard? If your life isn't hard, you might want to start worrying. My dad gave me some great counsel recently - "Life is only going to get harder."

At the time that was exactly the OPPOSITE of what I wanted to hear, but I'm actually really glad he said it, and it couldn't be truer! Amidst one trial or another, the biggest thing is just wishing it to be over, finding a way to sidestep it, begging for time to fast forward. And then, once that trial is behind me, I realize that it has now become one of the greatest and most defining moments in my life. That's not to say I would ever wish to relive them, nor do I wish them on anyone else, but I definitely would never want to erase them. I'm grateful for every trial Heavenly Father has put in my path. I'm grateful for the woman it's made me today, and I know I would be nothing without Him. There are so many things I could never learn without Him guiding me every step of the way. What would we be without experiencing pain? Without knowing the bitter, how could we ever know the sweet? Without sadness, how could we know joy? So then, how is a trial not an incredible blessing that we should be thanking our Father in Heaven for?

Stephanie Nielson is one inspiring lady. She honestly makes me want to never complain about anything ever again. If you don't know who she is, check out her blog here, read up a bit, watch the videos on the right, and be inspired. It's bound to happen. I am in awe of this woman. An ordinary woman, with an ordinary, and wonderful life that suddenly got flipped upside down when she got in a near fatal plane accident that left 3rd and 4th degree burns on 80% of her body - including her face. It took months in the hospital to heal, and when her youngest child saw her for the first time after she had healed up enough, she turned away, scared. I can't imagine the heartbreak Stephanie must have felt! The thing she first saw that was still her own was her eyes - Heavenly Father had let her keep her eyes. Now THAT is a trial to overcome. But in one of her videos (it's on lds.org entitled My New Life) she says this is her new life, this is who she is now, and she is going to thank the Lord for every second of it, thank Him for sparing her life.

How often do we do that? How often do we thank the Lord, sincerely, for giving us our lives each and every day? Because we honestly owe Him that, and everything else. Our lives belong to Him, and since they do, shouldn't we be putting our entire lives into His capable hands? We're sent here to be like Him, and what better way to be like Him than to let Him show us how?

The gospel is true. The church is true. God is real, He lives, and so does Jesus Christ, who is my brother, He is your brother, and He loves you more than you understand. I love this gospel, I love this life, I'm grateful for every dysfunctional toe, every cold finger, every hair, every pound, every step on the treadmill, every blink, every thought, every movement, every feeling, every bite I can eat, every breath I can take, and not only am I grateful, I'm indebted. Isn't it remarkable that as thick as we are as mortals, God still grants all these wonderful, beautiful blessings to us? We will forever be indebted to Him; we will never be able to repay him.

<3

The latest and greatest in my little ol' life

Well folks, I know it's been a long time since I posted, and, let's be honest here, SO MUCH has happened.

First of all, I no longer reside in the state of Utah. I literally packed up and scooted and cabooted out of there exactly one week ago today. Yes, it was sudden, even for me! I wasn't planning on high-tailing it out of there at all to begin with, but when the spirit prompts you (or more like spells it out for you in caps lock) I think you would be wise to follow that prompting! So I did! I remember exactly when it happened and exactly how it happened. I was sitting in my room having my prayers after reading my scriptures, right about the hit the sack, when BAM it hit me like a bag of bricks - I needed to move to California with my family, and I needed to move asap.

My first thoughts? Sheer and utter excitement. Seriously! When I get promptings like that, totally undeniable, and completely clear, almost surprising, I get so excited, because I know that it must be extremely important if the Lord thinks it's important enough to tell me flat out instead of letting me figure it out. I knew it was really important that I be here, and everyone knows how much I adore California with all of my heart, so needless to say I was sooo excited.

Even though I was giddy like a schoolgirl about moving, it was also a really sad thing. I had a fantastic job back in Utah that I adored - I seriously could not have asked for a better job, and I think it deserves a post all to itself (which it will get), I had so many great friends, and great friends coming home, I even left my brother back in Utah. What does that song say - sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same? Something like that. In this case it was true. The more I prepared to move, the harder it got.

I told my nanny fam that I was moving to California, and that I was leaving in 2 weeks. I think a few tears leaked out of that conversation. I went home, started packing all my stuff (which, luckily, wasn't too hard, considering most of it was in boxes anyway... I hadn't really unpacked after 6 months of being home... don't judge me), started packing all of the stuff that my mom and sister needed, and patiently waited (or impatiently) until Friday, September 1st, to arrive, then I could let the journey begin! Now, I want to clarify something really fast. I made this trip in the middle of the night, by myself, with no air conditioning. Twice. In one week.

I can see you staring at your screen, dumbstruck as to why in the world I would torture myself so. 9 hours of murderous heat, exhaustion and sleepiness taking over your brain, with nothing but Larabars, Monsters, and Carl's Jr. to keep me company? Well, let me just fill you in. Pick your jaw up, you're drooling.

The first time I made the trip was exactly one week and one day before I made the trip a week ago. So really, I made the first trip exactly two weeks and one day ago. It seems like so much longer than that!

Do you all remember my bimmer? My sweet, little, tank of a car? He's black and his name is Antoine. Yes, that one. Oh how I love him. That car has served me so well for about a year. However, a year ago, I had a boyfriend who changed the battery in my car, because, as everyone knows, I'm not very car savvy, tech savvy, or sports savvy. In this case, I needed to be car savvy, so I did my best impression, but to no avail. Luckily this boyfriend of mine offered to change it for me. Unfortunately, my bimmer outsmarted him, and he ended up frying my alternator. He replaced it and everything, but poor Antoine has never been the same since. In fact, he sat idle all winter because he refused to open, and then he refused to start. Or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, he just sat there. He started up again in the spring, but sometimes he would just decide not to start.

Well ya know what, Antoine, I'm not going to put up with your attitude. I thought we were friends, but maybe it's time for me to get a new mode of transportation. Since horses were out of the question, I figured I should buy another car. And this time, I bought a Honda. Sadly, with no air conditioning, but everything else about it is pretty fantastic. It's 6 years newer than dear old Antoine, making it a '96, and drives like a dream. It even has a radio! I just love it. It has no name yet; I need to get to know it first. All in good time.

So the first trip was to bring Antoine down, and the second trip was to bring me, my new car, and all my stuff down. The good news is that both Antoine, my new car, my stuff, and myself made it in one piece! No real problems to speak of. The bad news is that I have had 2 1/2 monsters in the past 2 weeks. Somehow I think it's better that I stayed awake though.

I am still so unsure of what is going to happen now that I'm in California. I had a plan for life in Utah, and I was doing everything I could to make it happen, but there were plenty of bits of that plan that just weren't working out. I really wanted to move into an apartment with my bestie best best, but no matter what we did, everything just fell through and went all crummy! Finally I just decided that I would live at the house I nanny at instead of moving into an apartment, so I prayed about that, and definitely felt like that was the right thing to do, and she stayed for an extra couple weeks with her family in the midwest before she found an apartment in Provo. Things definitely worked out for us differently than we wanted at first, but it worked out the way it was supposed to. Had I moved into an apartment in Provo, and still gotten the answer to move to California, it would have been a whole lot messier trying to move. I'm so grateful for the way the Lord works in my life!

Now that I'm here, I'm on the hunt for a job, but thankfully, that's all falling into place quite nicely. More than anything, I love what is here: the ward is fantastic, I love being with my family, I love being with my best sister friend, I love being with my parents, I love being with my aunt and uncle and her kids (the same kids I nannied a couple summers ago), I love being close to other family members, I love the weather, I love running in this weather, I love everything about it, and I couldn't be happier!! What an adventure awaits me, I can feel it!!

Cheers, readers, cheers <3

Love and Charity

I've been thinking a lot about love this morning. What is love? Is there just one definition of love? How do you express your love for people around you? I watched this Mormon message this morning:

I know this video is specifically about couples expressing their love for one another, but I feel like a lot of what is said in this video can apply to families in general. The Lord sent us to our family for a reason. He sent us to a specific family to help strengthen where we are weak, He sent us there to help strengthen other members of our family. Family loves you like nobody else will. They understand you like no one else will. And how do we convey that? All too often we lose our tempers with them. We take out our frustrations on those who are closest to us. We distance ourselves from them. We turn to outside sources for love instead of turning to what is right in front of us - our family. Aside from our Heavenly Father and our brother, Jesus Christ, there is no one on this earth that loves you more than your family does. Whether that be your parents and your siblings, a spouse, or all of the above, there is no one who will stick by your side, regardless of what you've done, there is no one who will ever love you more than your family will.

But all too often, we let other things get in the way of our family. This is Satan's plan. Satan wants nothing more than to rip the family apart, because he knows that in these times, if the family is solid, then he has no power in bringing you down. It breaks my heart to see families fall apart over and over in these last days.

I love how this video talks about eternal marriage. The couple said that they promised the Lord that they would do everything to make their marriage an eternal marriage. Just because you get married in the temple doesn't mean you get a free ride to the celestial kingdom with your spouse and family. You work at it. You have to keep your covenants. Being a family in the eternities means that you have to be a family now.

I am so grateful for my parents. I seriously have the most incredible parents in the world. They are so strong, and have been through so much together, and even though I watch them struggle through their share of trials, I watch them put the Lord first and rely on the atonement through all of our hardships. They've been there for me when I needed them most, time and time again. I watch them express their love for each other in little ways and think how blessed I am to have that example in my life. They aren't perfect, but who is in this life? 

Another thing that has got me thinking is this article by Elder Bednar on Character. It really got me thinking about Christlike character, which really is charity and selfless love. Even though the Lord suffered through all things, He never once though of Himself, This article is amazing and really got me thinking just what is my true character? Am I honest? Am I selfless? Do I think of others first even when I'm hurting? I want more than anything to be like Christ, but if I can't be these things, then I'm never going to come close to becoming like Him.

How do you show your love for those that you love? Your family? Your friends? Or even just people that you care about? Are you Christlike in what you do? Do you think of them first, or do you expect them to do things for you? Think about what the Savior would do before you act, before you speak, before you think of anything else. Put Him first in all you do, even when you're hurting, and you will be blessed. We were sent here to become like Him. So start becoming.

<3

Do it, and do it now

Before coming to this earth, I'm sure we heard it all - all the trials we would face, all the hardships this mortality would bring, and you know what? We were excited about it. We couldn't wait to get down here and learn our little hearts out, become who our Heavenly Father wanted us to be, to struggle, to grow, to cry, to laugh, we were ready for it all.

And then we got here.

And now what do we do? Well, ok, it's not like we do this all the time, but we complain. We complain about what? Mortality? Yeah. Mortality. It hurts. It's hard. We don't understand things, and people don't understand us. And then there's this guy called Satan. And he just makes everything about 10 billion times worse. That's an approximation, don't quote me on it.


The truth is, life is hard, and it's only going to get harder. Satan doesn't want any of us to succeed, and he definitely doesn't want us to be happy in this life. In my own life, I see him trying to disrupt something every single day. Sometimes he succeeds, because sometimes it's something that I have no control over. Sometimes he attacks us through other people. Just like the Lord uses other people to bless our lives, sometimes Satan tries to get other people to make our lives worse. Sometimes Satan tries to confuse those same people that the Lord brought into our life for good. See how frustrating this life can be? And you know, it is confusing because we are mortals, and we are imperfect.

Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between spiritual promptings and our own thoughts. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the devil and the spirit. Sometimes, the thoughts are our own.

These things are true, but this is the part that matters most - your time with your Father in Heaven to sort those thoughts and feelings out. Regardless of where those thoughts and feelings come from, it's the most important thing to figure out what Heavenly Father wants us to do with them, and where they really came from. That's one reason we should constantly be praying, and one of the reasons we are asked to go to the temple so often.

I love the temple for so many reasons, but one of the main reasons is because I know I can go in there and Satan has no influence on the feelings, promptings and impressions that I get there, so I know, without a doubt, that whatever I feel there is the spirit speaking to me.

I guess I'm writing this more for myself than for anyone else, but it's so easy to lose hope. As mortals, we want things now; we want to be happy right now, and we think we know how to do that best, but the truth is, we don't. Heavenly Father does.

His will for us is often not what we want for us. Sometimes, we have it set in our minds to do things one way, but He wants us to do it another way. We want to do something five years down the road, but He wants us to do it in five months. We want to go here, but He wants us to go there. It's so important to listen to the spirit and do what it tells you when it tells you to. From personal experience, I can tell you that when you ask the Lord so many times if you can do something your way, even when He's already told you to do it another way, there comes a time when He will stop telling you to do it His way, and He always lets you choose, but then you end up suffering the consequences. I'm sure Joseph Smith would tell you the same thing. Remember those lost pages? Yeah, I thought you might.

Yes, life is hard, but life is wonderful. Do what the Lord wants you to do, and do it now, and follow the inspiration you get exactly when you get it - don't wait!

Till next time, readers <3 :)

Three Little Happies

Well folks, remember that other "Happies" post that I posted?? Well, I have three more little happies for you today!

At this moment in time, I am currently sitting on my double bed on the floor of my four year old cousin's room, in Corona, California, with two fans blowing on me, my hair up in a bun, retainers in my mouth, and eyecovers on my forehead. This past week has been spent either lounging beside or in the pool, running on the treadmill, and actually really missing Utah, and what's waiting there for me when I get back! But, I am very excited to be here, because my oldest cousin, Kristen, is getting married on Saturday in the LA temple! I couldn't be more happy for her! She and her fiance are so in love, and it's so beautiful to see.

I mention this only because it has everything to do with my first happy. Today I was at my Grandy and Papa's house, and while using their hallway bathroom, I noticed a glasses case sitting on the back of the toilet. Since I'm about to go buy myself some new sweet specs, I've been trying on different types of glasses to see which style and color I like myself best in, and so when I saw this glasses case, I naturally assumed it was my cousin Kristen's. So I opened up the case, expecting to find her glasses in there, hoping that I could try them on lickity split, but instead of finding her glasses, I found a LOVE NOTE! Just a short and sweet love note. It made me smile the rest of the day. The note was written on a white piece of paper that had been ripped off of a bigger piece of paper and was about the size of my thumb. The note read: "I love you most - Johnny"

Is that not the sweetest thing you've heard all day?! Oh my. Who wouldn't love to get a love note like that? Seriously?! Ladies and gentleman, can I just say that this Johnny totally knows what he's doing? It's not about the big ginormous things that you do, it's the small and simple little ways that you let people know that you love them.

So that's my first happy. More like my first ultra happy.

My second happy is this.

I got a kiss from cousin's baby today. He's 1 1/2. He's gorgeous. And I love him.

When he was teeny tiny, he LOVED me, and then the next time I saw him, he was kind of scared of me, so I was really scared that he wouldn't be my buddy anymore. But this time, I played with him for about an hour - he even shared his toys with me, and sat on my lap of his own accord. Oh how I love that little boy!! When it was time to leave, I gave everyone my hugs and said my goodbyes, and then I went over to Ryan, my cousin's baby, and told him I was leaving, and asked him for a kiss (not thinking he would actually give me one) and he puckered his little lips and gave me a kiss! It was so sweet! Then five minutes later, he did it again!

Now, happy number 3.

My favorite time of the night came. 9:30 to 10:30. And that was definitely VERY happy :)

So there, my dear readers, are my three happies.

Do something happy today :) cheers.

Happy

Can I just say that I am one incredibly blessed individual? I don't even know how it happened, but I am so incredibly happy. :)

Never been like this before

I just want to say that the other day I experienced something that I'm not totally sure that I've ever felt before. I almost hesitate to say what it is, because it could come off sounding totally snobbish and stuck up, and I am neither of those things. I just... jeesh! I really have no words right now people. And you know what happens what that happens? Well... neither do I, but this time, I wrote a song, and it was so much fun! Maybe if I get brave, I'll have someone record me singing it and I'll put it on here for the world to see (eek!).
In other news, I, Makenna K. Donaldson rode a full size street cruiser yesterday all by myself. Ok, that part is a lie. I had help. But let's not detract from the moment, here.
And yet again, in other news, life is absolutely wonderful!! So wonderful, that I channel this little girl... this is my new mantra!!

I can do anything good! <3 

this is for you, my dear readers :)

Good things come to those who wait

Patience.

When I was in Young Women's, one of the values in Personal Progress (Divine Nature, perhaps?) had a requirement that was described basically like this: pick a trait you would like to acquire, and for a month, pray and fast and work to acquire that attribute. At the time, my little sister and I would get in some stodgy ol' tiffs. To this day, I probably don't even remember what they were about. I would probably get upset that she would use something of mine without asking me, and then I would probably get upset that she wanted to be just like me, and she would probably get upset that I would borrow her hair stuff without asking, and she'd probably be upset if I walked into her room. I don't even know. We were probably just upset at the other one because we thought the other one was upset. Good grief. My poor mother...

Long story short: what attribute did I pick?

Patience. I knew I was impatient with my little sissy. Did I ever.

And now what do I do for a living?

Nanny someone else's children. Aka: patience.

Although this job, at times, can be extremely difficult and definitely test my patience, it always makes me so grateful for the sweet little boys that I am blessed to share my life with, and the rest of the family, who all happen to be extremely incredible individuals as well! I don't look at this job as "work" anymore; it's become a part of my life, and I love it. I come home and talk to my mom about diapers, and runny noses, naptime, new words, how many times I had to change someone's clothes (including my own) who ate what, funny things the boys say, how good or naughty they were, and all the things a mom would probably talk about. I realized that my life has begun to revolve around these little boys, and you know what? I kinda like it. Sometimes I make fun of myself and say that I need a life outside of toddlers, because I catch myself snapping at people when I need their attention... so impolite, I know. I can't help it! But I still wouldn't have it any other way, because I adore what I do! Yes, it is hard, and yes, I get tired, and yes, I'm sometimes impatient, but I could not ask for a better job or a better family to work for. Heavenly Father has blessed and provided for me immensely!

Patience is such a hard thing to learn. It even requires patience to acquire patience, that's how tough it is! Wrap your little brains around that, munchkins! I had a seminary teacher and a bishop say to me once, "Heavenly Father, can't you give me some patience already?!"

Sometimes we all feel that way. At least I hope it's not just me. Unfortunately, patience doesn't work that way. Remember that story about the little kids that were given a marshmallow, and told that if they waited five minutes, they could have two marshmallows? One marshmallow is good, but two is better. Of course, it required patience to get the second marshmallow. That's how life is. You can have this, which is good, right now, but if you wait, you can have THIS, which is better - but all of it is on the Lord's time. That's the part where patience comes in. We, as mortals, don't understand exactly what the Lord's timetable is. To Him, our life on earth is a short period, but to us, well... it's a lifetime! And, as mortals, it, being all we know, feels like a seriously long time. Heck, a week feels like a long time!

But the Lord knows best, and He knows what we need, and when we need it. Live worthily, follow the spirit, do what feels right, and you will be led to the things that He has intended for you. It's not such a hard concept, but it requires you to lose yourself, forget about your time frame, trust God completely, and let Him guide you.

He knows what He's doing :) and that makes me happy.

Once a Weakness, Now a Strength

My sister was always the athletic one in the family. She could look at a set of weights and suddenly she had a six pack. Life is so unfair. She was jumping on the trampoline before she could walk. She spent her mornings, days and afternoons in the irrigation gutters of our Provo home, and rarely left the house in anything more than a diaper. She has always been so naturally fit. She can gain muscle and stay so lean and it's just unreal! People like that exist, I tell you! I'm related to her!

I, although I loved being active as well, was never quite like her. I loved to sing, loved to dance and dress up and play with barbies (even though I would play barbies and GI Joes with my brother). I loved to be outside and play with the dog, run, climb trees, jump on the trampoline, and do all the things she liked to do, but I was never the same as she was. I never liked getting dirty. She loved it. I taught myself the piano when I was little and took singing lessons while she would rather play in the mud (literally). I can work out for months and do nothing but get skinnier, and putting on muscle is like asking an elephant to play hide and go seek in a dollhouse. Just ain't gon' happen.

My whole life I was jealous of her, and she was jealous of me. It's a viscous cycle. I always wished I could have defined abs and ripped calves and still look super gorgeous and feminine. In time, I learned to realize that I'm just not built that way.

Allow me to explain a little. I have had health problems my whole life. When I was little, I got strep throat like a fiend every year, without fail. Chocolate gave me migranes. I would get hives at the most random moments with no apparent explanation. Then, the summer after 6th grade, I hit the lowest point healthwise that I'd ever hit. Everything I ate started making me sick. I couldn't find anything that made me feel good. On a 90 degree day, I was shivering; I could never get warm. My hair stopped growing. My nails stopped growing. I slept a ton. I had had mononucleosis the previous year, so I was already weak from that, but I had zero energy.

That summer I took orchestra at the Jr. High. I only lived a block away, so I would try to walk, even though it exhausted me. When it became too exhausting to walk, my mom would drive me. Then the walk into the Jr. High became too hard, and it soon became too hard to hold my viola underneath my chin. My left knee felt so stiff and it made me cry to try to bend it. I remember walking back to the car one day after orchestra was over and just crying because I was in so much pain. Needless to stay, that was my last day at summer Orchestra.

The summer didn't get better. I stopped walking completely, I couldn't even stand or let my feet go below my heart for very long, and soon the stiffness moved into my left arm, and my right leg. I hardly ate a thing, and I whittled down to 75 or 80 lbs at my lowest point. My hair didn't grow, my nails didn't grow, and I basically looked (and felt) like I was dying. I don't even remember much of that year of my life, because, to be honest, most of it was spent sleeping. My parents told me that they would check on me every night just to make sure I was still breathing.

I was homeschooled my 7th grade year, because I couldn't walk. I went to countless doctors, who all told me I was either anorexic or crazy. Specialists helped with nothing, every medication made me worse, and I wasn't getting any better on my own. After countless priesthood blessings and promises of a full life, and utilizing the atonement to it's fullest, we found an alternative medical doctor, who is also a chiropractor, who actually cared and listened and helped me. I started getting treatments from him I think around March of 2003, but I could be wrong (like I said, I don't remember much from that year). Thanks to him and his accupuncture, adjustments, probiotics and the Asyra machine, I started getting better.

By the summer of 2003, I was walking again, but I could only go very short distances (like walking to the car), because my muscles had atrophied so badly. I tired out really easily, I was still really skinny and I was still unsure about what I could and couldn't eat. For another two years after I started walking, I still tired out really easily, when I did finally put on weight, it was mostly fat weight (although I needed it) because I put it on so quickly. I was still very thin, and all through high school I was made fun of because I was skinny and I ate "like a rabbit." People didn't understand what I went through, and I wasn't about to explain my life's story to them.

I still struggle with my stamina and being able to eat things, and I still get sick sometimes, and my toes are still always red because of my poor circulation. When I get "sick" it's usually not anything contagious. In my family we fondly refer to it as the Mik's sickness, because that's what it is. I honest to goodness feel super crappy, but it's not from a virus or a bug, it's just me.

After going through an experience like that, when for a while people thought you would never walk again, let alone run, it makes me that much more grateful to my Heavenly Father for not only preserving my life, but preserving my limbs! I have a working body that, though it may get tired too quickly, still runs, and still eats, and has hair and nails that grow! What felt like a weakness to me for so long, is starting now to become a strength, all because of the Lord! With Him, anything is possible.  It never ceases to amaze me that I am able to run and even eat a milkshake every once in a while. I always had faith that I would be healed, but everyday I'm grateful for legs and arms that let me run and dance and pick things up! It's amazing the things that we often take for granted, because everything, literally everything, that we have is such a blessing!!

I thought about this today because I just got home from a bike ride with a friend of mine. I could tell that he wasn't as tired as I was, but I knew he was an avid bike rider, and I'm not. Since I've been trying to become a better runner as of late, I knew that my stamina was very slowly getting better, but I was just happy that I could keep up with him, not only that, but keep up a conversation while we were riding! I'm so grateful everyday that Heavenly Father blessed me with that experience and that I have a body that works!

Who are you?

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew who I was.  I knew my full name, my parents full names, my address, my phone number, my date of birth... all the things that made me, well, me! I even had a little metal bracelet that had all that information, just in case I ever got lost, so then other people who know who I was, too.

The real meaning of that question has probably changed over the years.  Who am I? I'm the daughter of Mark and Heather Donaldson.  Who am I? I'm Makenna Kathleen Donaldson.  Who am I? I'm a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Who am I? I'm a daughter of a King.  Who are you? The answers are probably endless.  The fact is you are divine.  Your nature is divine, your spirit lived with our Father in Heaven, your mission on this earth is divine.  Everything about you is a gift from our Father in Heaven, and you deserve to be treated as such, not only by others, but by yourself.  Remember who you are.  Remember where you came from.  Remember where you are going.  You are special, and you are loved.

We had a great lesson the third hour of church.  All the young women and the relief society sisters met together and were taught by a member of the bishoprick (who also happened to be one of my very favorite seminary teachers from high school).  A lot of the lesson focused on what girls feel like we have to do to attract boys.  We came up with lots of answers: being flirty, dressing pretty, pretending to be interested in the same things, being friendly, happy, being active and outgoing, and things like that.  Then we were asked to come up with what the world taught us would attract men.  Then we were asked to define what we wanted in a future husband.  The girls all came up with things like being friendly, a good listener, caring, devoted, ambitious, and a strong priesthood holder that can recognize Satan.  The last one was really important.  Our teacher made it a point to make sure we understood that in order to get the man we wanted, the strong priesthood holder, we had to be the things that we wanted and forget about what the world teaches us we should do.  Doing what the world says is not going to attract a strong priesthood holder.

The lesson made me think just how important I am and exactly what I want and deserve in a man.  I want, and I need a strong priesthood holder that understands and recognizes when Satan is trying to influence him and his family.  But in order to get that man, I have to be that person.  Never forget just how important you are in the eyes of the Lord, and treat yourself that way, and don't settle to be treated as less than that.

:)

Choose your love, love your choice

My parents are prime examples to me when it comes to true love.  To this day, my dad says he is the luckiest man in the world, and can't believe that my mom chose to marry him and stay with him.  She is the reason he lives, and the reason he wakes up everyday.  I think he would do anything for my mom, and I think she would do the same for him.  I love how my dad tries everything he can to make my mom's life more comfortable and easier.  She has never had to work, and because of that, we were able to have a mom 24/7 which was, I think, one of the greatest blessings in my life, and I know she was only able to do that because of my daddy (and Heavenly Father, of course).  My parent's have had it rough in the work department, and I know it has taken it's toll, but I love that my parents worked through it and put each other first.

My parents met for the first time back when my mom was dating my dad's best friend.  They became closer friends as they helped my mom's boyfriend at the time to go on a mission.  My dad was already home from his mission at the time, and while my mom's boyfriend was the same age as my dad, he was a convert and hadn't served a mission yet.  After my mom's boyfriend left, my dad took my mom out just as friends, but their friendship soon blossomed into romance and they decided they loved each other and wanted to marry each other (and if you ask me, it was the best decision of their lives, I mean, where would my siblings and I be without that?!).

I think my parents are great examples of that quote, "Choose your love, and love your choice." because they made that choice to get married, and they have loved that choice and each other ever since!

I think the best love stories are real life ones :)

Until next time, gentle readers :) love all your choices!

A buncha sickies

Poor little Hudson came down with a fever last Thursday (almost a week ago) and the little trooper has felt miserable every since! His fever is mostly gone, but it seems like it comes and goes, and the poor guy has a cough that just interrupts every sentence! But all he wants to do is play and be well and run around and play :( I feel so bad for him, I hate seeing little bodies so sick and achy.  I took the boys and Jaycee to the duck pond today and took the single stroller (stupid on my part, I should have just driven) but at the time, Hudson wanted to walk with Jaycee.  Well, when we got the duck pond, one of Jaycee's little sandals broke.  Great! So she walked around barefoot for a little while.  I tried to call their grandma to see if she could come pick us up in the car, but she didn't answer.  I didn't know it at the time, but she was outside pulling weeds and didn't have the phone with her.

At about 1:30 I decided I was just going to try and fit all the kids in the single stroller by pulling the back down into the bed position.  They were cramped, but it worked.  Hudson got a little fed up by how uncomfortable and cramped it was, so he asked if he could get out and walk.  He walked for a little bit, but we took lots of rests so that he didn't get too tired.  Then a blessed sight came before my eyes! Jeannie Shuldberg to the rescue driving the silent Hyundai of greatness! She is one incredible woman, I tell you.  She told me that she just had the thought that she needed to check on Makenna, she dismissed it once, but it came back with a vengeance, this time it was, "go pick up Makenna!" and she thought, "OK!" and there she was! Am I ever grateful she listened!

Jeannie Shuldberg is probably one of the most generous, caring, mothering, loving, and spiritual women that I have ever been blessed to have in my life.  The Lord really knew what He was doing when He gave me this job.  She's become like another mother to me! She's so wonderful, I love her!

Would you?

I can't remember how this conversation started, but it went a little something like this.

Boy 1: I had the best waitress tonight!
Boy 2: Was she cute?
Boy 3. Did you get her number?

Boy 1: No.  She had a kid...
Me: What if she was single? Single women sometimes have babies...

(Boys 1, 2 and 3 discuss this for a minute)

Me: So what if you were dating someone and you found out that had been married before.  Would that affect anything?

Basically my answer from the three of them was that they didn't want to date someone that was divorced, they would rather date someone who had a spouse die.  You can imagine how that made me feel for a minute.  None of these boys knew that I had ever been married, and none of them knew why I wasn't married anymore, and I wasn't about to tell them, especially after that conversation.  It didn't really hurt me or offend me, and I still love these guys to death, but it did make me think, and it made me a little bit sad for people who are in a similar situation as I am.  Knowing that there are so many guys out there, great guys, that would honestly think twice about dating me because I'm divorced makes me sad for myself because I didn't do anything wrong, and makes me sad for them because of the great women they could be missing out on.

Growing up in the church, we're always taught that divorce is wrong.  Obviously, marriage is a huge commitment that isn't to be taken lightly.  As a young girl, I knew that there were circumstances in which divorce was the best choice.  I knew it was wrong to stay in a marriage that was abusive, or if a spouse cheated, but, of course, I never thought that I would be married and divorced before I turned 20.  But I also never thought that I would be in a situation where I needed to get divorced.

You see, the Lord knows our situations.  He knows us, and He understands us.  I've heard many different explanations as to why I went through what I went through.  Some of them were "maybe you just needed that experience to grow" or "maybe this somehow brought you to who you really were supposed to be with" or "maybe you needed to experience this to help someone else."  While all those reasons are good reasons, and  I appreciate everyone's insight, I want to say that I think it's possible that the Lord has many reasons, but what I think is a bigger possibility is that sometimes the Lord just allows things to happen to us.  People have agency, and their agency affects us.  If you are standing idly by a road, minding your own business, obeying all pedestrian laws, and you get mowed over by a truck, lose your legs, and are permanently blind, do you think it was by any fault of yours? Most likely not.

We live in a mortal world where people have agency, and unfortunately, if someone uses their agency to chop off your arm with a chain saw, you are going to be affected by it.  You most likely will not have an arm.  This doesn't mean the Lord "made" you go through it, but He did "allow" you to go through it, and we should still learn form these experiences.  I don't believe the Lord "made" me go through horrible experiences, I believe He "allowed" me to, and I believe it brought me closer to Him.  I believe that the Lord can pull us through any situation, no matter how dark, and that if we allow ourselves, we can become closer to Him than we have ever been.

A friend of mine told me, after I had told him that I had been married, that if he were dating me, that wouldn't bother him at all, because he knew that the Lord made everything right in the end.  It was awesome for me to hear that kind of a testimony from a man! Because the Lord does! He is so much more merciful and just than we can even begin to imagine! We are so blessed to have such a loving Heavenly Father who has our best interest at heart.  The important thing is that we follow the spirit in all that we are told, even when it doesn't make sense to us.  Remember that we are mortals, and there is so much that doesn't make sense to us, but how can we exercise our faith without stepping into that darkness a little?

I told a friend of mine the condensed story of my short marriage and all the hardships that came with it, and he told me that as he was walking home from class the spirit just confirmed to him that everything I had told him was right.  It's nice to know that I know what I did was the right thing, but it's nicer to know that other people know it, too.

I love the Lord, and I know things will work out happily for everyone who follows Him and has faith in Him and does all that they are supposed to.  :)

Music in my life

First of all I would like to say that I just love my guitar.  I love playing it, I love the way it looks, the way it sounds, the way it feels, I love that it's my Grandy's, I love that my uncle Bob got it from Spain, I love that my Grandy used to play it to her kids when they were little, I love that I am capable of producing some sort of music that is somewhat enjoyable to the ears, and I love and am so grateful that God loved me enough to give me a gift that I enjoy so thoroughly!

I was a very musical kid.  I was also a very musical teenager, and have been a very musical adult for the few years I've been an official adult.  I sang, I played the viola, I taught myself piano, I taught myself the flute, and I loved it all! Then I decided that I wanted to learn the guitar.  So I set my mind to it, and taught myself! It may have been one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I don't know what it is about singing to the guitar when I play, but it literally makes me so happy! It makes me want to go all Taylor Swift and do nothing but play my guitar and sing for people and make a lot of good money doing it.  Wouldn't that be great? Ah well, I can dream, can't I?

Cheers to dreams.  Hip hip, hooray.

I Believe

I believe in Christ.
I believe in second chances.
I believe in love.
I believe everyone can overcome anything.
I believe the Lord makes everything right in the end.
I believe the Lord forgives us more easily than we forgive ourselves.
I believe that the atonement can ease every pain.
I believe in third and fourth chances.
I believe in change for the better.
I believe that sometimes when we don't know what to do, the Lord trusts us to make the right decision.
I believe that the Lord will guide us if we ask.
I believe we are told things we don't understand.
I believe we can't do things we think we can't.
I believe we affect people we don't know.
I believe we all have gifts and talents.
I believe the Lord is the only one who can and should judge us.
I believe that if we do what we should, we will be given more than we need.
I believe the Lord will take care of us.
I believe the right decision can be scary.
I believe that you can't have faith if you're scared.
I believe the Lord wants us to be happy, and will help us be that way if we let Him.
I believe the Lord brings people into our lives.
I believe in revelation.
I believe in the gospel.
I believe the Book of Mormon is the truest book on earth.
I believe Christ will come again.

Someday I'll be the reason someone lives

You know, my daddy is a wise and kind man.  One of the wisest and kindest that I know.  Yesterday I had a chance to talk to him on the phone for a good hour.  Since he is in California and I'm in Utah, and we are both working all the time, sometimes it's hard to find a moment to talk to him, so I love the moments when I get to steal some of his time :)

We talked about a lot of things, but the biggest thing we talked about was something that was good for me to hear, and something that I believe every girl in the world needs to hear.

My daddy told me, first off, that sometimes the Lord lets things happen to us.  Many of the trials that we face aren't because the Lord gives them to us, but that He allows Satan to tempt us and confuse us.  Like any test, we can prevail or we can fail.  Turning to the Lord in these times are crucial.  With the Lord, Satan has no power over us.  Also, Satan knows our weaknesses.  He knew us the premortal life.  He knows us better than we think, and because of that, he knows how to attack us.  But Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know us best, and they know how to help us.

Another thing my daddy told me was that I deserved someone who lived for me.  Someone whose reason to wake up in the morning was me.  Someone who would fight for me, no matter what.  Someone who had the faith that God would make everything right in the end, and would be willing to go through whatever he had to because he loved me that much.  Someone who put me first, only behind God.  Someone whose every decision revolved around me.  Someone who would be my knight in shining armor.  Someone who was strong enough to withstand Satan.  Someone who made me feel like I was the best thing in the world.  Someone who would be everything I ever needed and wanted.

Maybe I already know him.  Whoever he is, he's out there, and as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to, he'll find me :)

Cheers <3

Well hi there, it's been a while!

Wow! My dear readers, I know there are few of you, but I just want you to know that I am ever so sorry that it has been months and months since some of you have even HEARD from me! Per request of one of my dear friends that lives in another state, I have decided that it is high time that I give you all a nice update on this little life of mine.  So much to say, where to being?!

Let's start by saying that I, Makenna K. Donaldson, am very happy.  Life hasn't exactly worked out the way I thought it might, but when does it ever? Good news though, my daddy-o has a full time job in California, which means that the family can start working on moving out and selling the house and finding a house in California.  It's weird, it's finally sinking in! The weirdest part is that I'm not going with them! I have decided that I'm staying in Utah... I know it's what the Lord wants me to do. It's going to be tough, but I know it's going to be right, and everything works out better when you do what's right!

This weekend was a good one :) Caleb and I went to AF for the weekend, spent Friday night at a Smallville season finale party, spent Saturday afternoon at his old roommate's house at a pool party, then went to church on Sunday with the family and just had a rootin' tootin' good time! Laughing and joking and getting to know each other better.  I had an awesome weekend!

I am working full time in Provo as a nanny, and actually living in Provo during the week while I nanny, then I go home on the weekends.  It's kind of a weird set up, but it works, and it's nice to see the boyfriend everyday after work :) But soon enough I'm going to have to find another place to live because there's another person moving into this house that's going to be taking over my room, so I either have to find a place down in Provo or move back home and commute everyday, and I'm honestly not sure which one sounds better.  Commuting everyday is not exactly the best option because I hit rush hour traffic both ways, so it takes twice as long to get to work.  However, living at home is free, and finding a place in Provo would mean I would have to pay.  But then, summer housing is really cheap! But then, part of me wants to be able to see my mom and stuff everyday before she moves for good, but then the other part of me wants to live closer to work and not have to drive everyday... I guess I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it.

Anyway, that's about all I have time for today, until next time, dear readers!

Helping Hands

So, once upon a time there was a girl.  This girl wanted to help people.  She loved people, loved to help them when she could in all the ways she knew how.  This girl felt like she wasn't doing the best of it lately, so she prayed that Heavenly Father would show her ways to serve, because she knew that not only does the Lord want us to serve each other, but that when you lose yourself in service, you receive blessings that the Lord wants to bestow on you.  You see, this girl had been in a lot of pain.  She wanted so badly to help out around the house, but she was just in too much pain to do it.  But she was so determined to serve!

She didn't have to wait very long.

As soon as she had decided this, and after receiving a blessing, her pain was lessened just enough.  The next day, her sister got in a motorcycle accident, and this was the day before the girls' parents were leaving town.  Now, typically, this girl is a little squeamish, but let me tell you what, she was able to clean those wounds without even batting an eye! No queasiness whatsoever.  If that isn't the Lord's hand, I don't know what is.  She saw this accident that her sister was in as a great opportunity to serve her sister, getting to take care of her while her parents were away, and immediately thanked her Heavenly Father.

And you know what? Looks like one of her prayers is beginning to be answered right now.

Here's to a loving Heavenly Father who blesses us.  And here's to losing yourself in service.

Time for Prayers

As I drove to work today, which by the way is a great story in and of itself, which I suddenly feel the need to tell, so forget this sentence, here is the work story.

Remember that awesome nanny job I had? Well, they called me again because guess who moved back into town?! That's right! The sweet boys and they're amazing parents! Daddy Shuldberg got a job in Utah, so they moved on back, and anyway, to make a long story short, they needed someone to watch their kids for several hours each day for about a week, so they called me up! It was so much fun to go back and play with those two little boys, and what made it even better was that they both remembered me :) I love my life.

Anyway, so... today I was driving to work.  My car, Antoine, works again.  Just needed a new battery.  I drive with the windows down, which makes it noisy, and since I have no radio and have to use my phone, which doesn't turn up very loud, I don't play music on the way to work most days.  Today I did not.  I simply rolled my windows halfway down, and started praying.  I figured since I had so much time, what better thing to do with my time that chat with my Heavenly Father?

Well, let's be real here for a minute.  I had a lot on my mind lately.  A whole lot.  And what's not making it better is that I have been having a hard time really opening up to my Heavenly Father and just talking to Him like I really should.  I am good about saying my prayers, but lately they haven't been as sincere as I know they need to be.  This makes me sad.  I don't want to fall into that habit! So today, I started praying and just poured out my little soul (it's amazing that I didn't start snifflin' and sputterin' but somehow my nasal passages and tear ducts managed to stay dry)... I am here to tell you that, holy moley, I felt so much lighter.  I didn't even realize that I had felt sooo... not light.  Not that I felt bad or heavy or anything, but there is just something about conversing with your Heavenly Father knowing that He hears your every word and has been waiting for me to talk to Him like I did that just makes you feel all fuzzy and good.

So here's to prayers and answers and comfort and having a Heavenly Father that knows us and loves us. :)

Lent, Lent, Lent

No.  I'm not Catholic.  Yes.  I observe Lent.  For as long as I can remember, my family has done our own little Lent thing.  For those of you who don't know what Lent is, I'll explain it to you.

Traditionally, Lent, in the Christian tradition at least, begins on Ash Wednesday and lasts until Holy Saturday (right before Easter) - forty days (the Sundays in this period don't count, because they represent "mini Easters").  The forty days represent the amount of time (in the bible) that Jesus spent in the desert before his ministry where He was tempted my Satan.  The purpose of Lent is to prepare yourself through prayer, and specifically sacrifice of something, for the commemoration of the death and resurrection of the Savior, or basically, Easter.

The practice of Lent was virtually universal in Christianity until the Protestant reformation in the 1500's.  Some Protestant churches don't observe Lent, but many still do, such as Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Baptists, and Anglicans.

Basically the way we observe Lent in my family isn't really for the reasons I described above.  As the LDS church doesn't observe Fat Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, Good Friday or Holy Saturday, it's really not for any of these reasons that my family does Lent.  The reason we do Lent is because it's a good opportunity to take something out of your life that you don't need or that is taking time and energy away from something better that you could be doing.  One year, my mom gave up soap operas, and since then, she's been soap opera free! Silly, I know, but that's just an example.

So this year, dear readers, for Lent, I am giving up two things: not running, and sugar.

That means I'm not eating sugar, and I'm going to run.  I know, worded strange, but... it works...

And for those of you thinking "why would you give up sugar, it's not like you eat it all the time anyway..." I tell you, this statement may be true, but it's more of a motivation to get me TO run.  I know the healthier I eat (even if it seems ridiculous to some of you) the more motivated I will be to run five days a week.  I know myself and how I think and how I work, trust me, it must be done.

And so, I shall blog about my Lent journey.  Frustrations, progress, but not my failures, because there will be NO failures.  Gosh dang it!

So gear up, I'ma be a cross country runner before long.  Shazam.

Peace.

Blog Challenge: Day 29

Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyper, mad:

Well... this is tough, but I'll do my best!

Happy

Enough - Tyrone Wells

Take It Home - The White Tie Affair

I Could Get Used To This - The Veronicas

Australia - The Shins

So Obvious - Runner Runner

Starlight - Muse

How Do You Sleep - Jesse McCartney

Sad

Never Alone - Lady Antebellum
Before We Say Goodbye - Shannon Noll

Gonna Get Over You - Sara Bareilles

How - Maroon 5

Blame It On The Rain - He Is We

Dancing With Tears In My Eyes - Kesha

Not Your Enemy - Jesse McCartney

Bored

Girl Inform Me - The Shins

Trouble - NeverSoutNever!

Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson

I Can't Lie - Maroon 5

Walking The Dog - Fun

Love Story - Taylor Swift

Kids/Time To Pretend - MGMT

Hyper

Until You're Over Me - Maroon 5

Everything Is Alright - Motion City Soundtrack

Five Minutes To Midnight - Boys Like Girls

Whoa Oh! (Me vs. Everyone) - Forever The Sickest Kids

Eenie Meenie - Justin Bieber

All I Ever Wanted - Bass Hunter

Lookin' For A Good Time - Lady Antebellum

Mad

If I Can't Have You - Kelly Clarkson

Acting Out - Ashley Tisdale

Not Afraid - Eminem

Cowboy Cassanova - Carrie Underwood

Hate On Me - Glee Cast

Whyyouwannabringmedown - Kelly Clarkson

If I Never See Your Face Again - Maroon 5

Rise Above!!

A good friend gave me some advice.  Actually, he gives me this advice almost every time we talk.  His words of wisdom, though its turned into our inside joke, are some that we could all take to heart!

"Rise above it!" is what he tells me. 

What is that one thing you need to rise above? Bad habit? Surroundings? It's easy to feel like you have no control sometimes, but don't you even begin to believe that you have no control over anything! Nothing could be further from the truth.

My mom is a very smart person.  She has always told me that you can't control what anyone else does, you can't control how they treat you, and sometimes you can't control what happens to you.  The one thing you can control, however, is yourself!! Your attitude is forever under your control.  Your attitude, your reactions, and your thoughts are things that you, and you alone can control.

I was blessed enough to have attended an institute class where one of my teachers actually gave a lesson on the exact thing my mom had been teaching me my whole life.  See, awesome lady, huh? :) but the lesson was incredible! The teacher went on to explain how because we have control over our thoughts, actions/reactions, and attitude, we have the power to stay happy and positive despite the bad things that happen!

I know its easy to let life get you down.  It's so easy to forget the real reason we're here.  It's easy to get jealous, be bitter, be angry, jealous, sad, unhappy, spiteful... we are human, and God knows that! But we aren't here to be content with being human, we are here to learn how to return to our Father in Heaven! So rise above those blues that Satan wants so badly to bring you down, and find happiness in the gospel! Remember Christ, remember the real reason you're here and forget the world.  Forget yourself, and focus on lifting others and bringing them closer to Christ. I promise, you'll find happiness and be able to rise above the blues!