But, I'm pretty sure these jeans fit yesterday...

I often complain about my weight. I'll be straight with you. I'm a girl, I look at other girls and sometimes wish that I had their legs, or their arms, or their twelve pack abs (this is rare, but not a lie). I look at their hair that dries perfectly out of the shower with longing. Full, luscious lips, perfectly tan complexions, nary a roll to be spied on their figure; these are all things I have seen on others and long to have myself.

When I have one of these moments, I am immediately brought back to my high school days. I was so thin. So thin to the point that I didn't really like it. I was too skinny. I had a figure, but everything was just too thin. Regardless, this look was my normal (I am not saying that this is your normal or anyone else's normal, it was just the way my body was at the time). I was used to things fitting a little loose, and when I did find something that fit me right, it was never long enough. I was used to it. I had good skin, I had naturally curly hair, I had a tan, and I was pretty happy with myself. I wasn't the most popular or the most athletic. I wasn't a cheerleader or in sports. I wasn't in student council, and I didn't "rule the school" by any means, but I was good with myself and I liked me.

Now, here's the weird part.

I stayed that thin and didn't fill out until I was 20 years old.

Yeah. Not 14. Not 16. Not even 18.

20.

Talk about hitting puberty a little late, right?

Well, suddenly I had hips that wouldn't fit into all my very favorite jeans! What mortified me the most about this was that I had to go shop for a whole new wardrobe. This is the girl who absolutely loves clothes but hates spending money. Worst. Nightmare. Ever.

It was basically an ENTIRE new wardrobe for this chick.

Yippee.

On top of all that, I didn't feel like myself anymore. I hadn't done anything differently - changed my diet or exercise routine, and if anything I was working out more than I ever had before. I still put on about 20 pounds in a matter of maybe 2 months. My used-to-be 100-105 pound frame was now a 120-125 pound frame. Granted, it was weight that I desperately needed, but I didn't care. I didn't feel the same - I didn't feel pretty. In my mind, my "pretty" was to be really thin. Now, when I looked at myself in the mirror all I saw was curves I didn't recognize, and it all just looked weird and so unattractive to my eyes. I hated it.

This went on for a while. I struggled with accepting and loving my new figure. I was pretty sure I was a good 6 years late on this whole changing thing, but I was not having it. Most girls go through this in Jr. High or High School, and here I was, a 20 year old woman feeling like a 14 year old adolescent girl. And just like any 14 year old, I felt like bursting into tears at the most inopportune moments, and sometimes, I did.

Lest you think that I'm still in this stage of acceptance, I assure you, I am not. But I'll get to that. Bear with me, dear readers!

Months ago I finally just came to the realization that this is how I am. I'm not fat by any means, but I'm no stick. I got curves, and I've grown quite fond of them. My hair is pretty straight, but now I have fun with that. Sometimes I miss the curly hair days, but my hair is still thick and holds a curl when I want it to, so it's not boring. This is how I am now, and there's nothing wrong with it!

But you want to know what really made me love this change in my appearance?

It was the fact that inside and out, I am a completely different person than I was two years ago.

And I couldn't be happier about it.

Heavenly Father blesses us in ways that we totally don't understand or recognize. Sometimes we recognize those blessings right away. Sometimes we don't recognize them for years. We may not recognize them throughout our entire lifetime! But they're there, and He does bless us.

For me, my "late puberty," or whatever you want to call it, was a huge blessing. I realized, with the help of my best friend and sister, that I was completely different from who I was years ago, and that it was a really good thing. Having to buy a new wardrobe turned out to be a huge blessing. This may sound silly, but the clothes I wore in high school and first year of college had so many memories attached to them that I really don't need to hold onto, and getting rid of them was sort of an emotional and mental detox for me. By throwing out my old wardrobe, I was saying get the freak out of my life you crazies goodbye forever to that phase of my life. What a blessing! Maybe my Father in Heaven knew that would be the best way to help me really say goodbye to that part of my life. He does know me better than I know me, after all.

Blessings come in the strangest ways, but in the most perfect ways as well. What seemed to be a really hard trial for me, turned out to be a blessing in disguise, but I was too caught up in my frustration and confusion to realize it at first. I realize now that I wasted so much time being upset and confused. Don't waste your time, my dears! There's too much life to enjoy, and if you're busy worried about yourself, you'll miss it all.

Until next time, sweet readers. <3

Haven't seen you in a few millennia... Gimme some tassle.

I currently feel like a horrible human being.

"Why," you may ask yourselves, "does this young woman feel like a horrible human being?"

Well. Let me tell you why, gentle reader, let me tell you.

I have failed you as readers.

I have! I have neglected your beautiful, beautiful selves. While I fail to see, sometimes, why anyone would want to read about my silly, humdrum life, I recognize that there are a few of you who genuinely enjoy my posts on here. I sincerely apologize for that, and I hope you can forgive me as I try to do my best to make up for it.

What made me stop posting for so long?

A case of serious writer's constipation, something far worse than whatever "writer's block" is. It was GENUIINE constipation, people. As in there weren't no way nothin's comin' outta these here fingers onto this here cyber page, nosirree. I just couldn't do it! I was in such a crampy (not crappy) place mentally, I guess, that I could just never bring myself to sit down and type. Putting too much pressure on myself was one of the biggest problems. I expect so much of myself sometimes, and when I fall short, it just kills me. The problem is, that instead of fixing the problem, I pretend I'm fine and ignore it, even though I'm totally not fine. That, clearly, happened with this blog.

But that's all about to change. Know why? Because I realized how much I miss writing. I'm no Edgar Allen Poe or Elizabeth Peters (shame be upon me for even considering a comparison), but I am me, and I like writing. So I write.

I have internal battles sometimes. I stress over something to the point of being ridiculous, when really it's not even worth my time to stress about it at all. So I decided to try something new, it's called not stressing. Going with the flow. Letting things happen. Not getting worked up. (I can see your jaw dropping. Relax. Breathe with me.) How about that, huh? Just let things go. If I feel like doing something, by golly, I'm gonna do it! And lemme tell ya folks, I'm a weird kid. I think after moving to California, it kinda threw off my zen. That whole thing about moving to another place and recreating yourself is what I really tried to do. I loved the idea of moving away from Utah, to a place where hardly anyone knew me, and just being myself! The problem with that was I would often fight this internal battle with myself; who was I really? Did I really know who I was trying to become? If I didn't know, how could these other people know?

I had to get to a point inside that I knew who I was, and I was completely ok with myself, flaws and all. It's a hard place to get to, and if I'm being completely honest, I think it's a process; I don't think I'm there yet, but I'm definitely way better than I was 6 months ago. It's a place of self confidence and trust in myself that I thought I had before, but realize now that I didn't.

On an unrelated, but sort of related note, I stole the title of this post from Aladdin. Let's analyze for a second, shall we? Aladdin: a poor street urchin, came from nothing, destined for nothing. Jasmine: a rich princess, came from riches, destined to marry someone she doesn't love. What happens? Well, Aladdin, the street urchin destined for the poverish life he's always known, falls in love with the princess destined for a life far from his own. He chases her, he woos her, she falls in love with him, and they both get exactly what they wanted. Him, a life of riches and love, her, a life with someone she actually loves.

Pretty sweet what a genie can do, huh?

Ha, you thought I was going to say something about "chasing your dreams" or stuff like that! Silly reader...

But really though, chase your dreams, because the worst you can do is fail and learn the greatest lesson of your life, and that's still a heck of a lot better than standing still, don't you think?

Look at Aladdin. If he hadn't gone after that princess, he'd probably be in a jail.

So chase your dreams. Don't lose hope in yourself. I think you'll be pretty happy with the results.

Cheers, my dear, sweet readers. Cheers :) <3