Haven't seen you in a few millennia... Gimme some tassle.

I currently feel like a horrible human being.

"Why," you may ask yourselves, "does this young woman feel like a horrible human being?"

Well. Let me tell you why, gentle reader, let me tell you.

I have failed you as readers.

I have! I have neglected your beautiful, beautiful selves. While I fail to see, sometimes, why anyone would want to read about my silly, humdrum life, I recognize that there are a few of you who genuinely enjoy my posts on here. I sincerely apologize for that, and I hope you can forgive me as I try to do my best to make up for it.

What made me stop posting for so long?

A case of serious writer's constipation, something far worse than whatever "writer's block" is. It was GENUIINE constipation, people. As in there weren't no way nothin's comin' outta these here fingers onto this here cyber page, nosirree. I just couldn't do it! I was in such a crampy (not crappy) place mentally, I guess, that I could just never bring myself to sit down and type. Putting too much pressure on myself was one of the biggest problems. I expect so much of myself sometimes, and when I fall short, it just kills me. The problem is, that instead of fixing the problem, I pretend I'm fine and ignore it, even though I'm totally not fine. That, clearly, happened with this blog.

But that's all about to change. Know why? Because I realized how much I miss writing. I'm no Edgar Allen Poe or Elizabeth Peters (shame be upon me for even considering a comparison), but I am me, and I like writing. So I write.

I have internal battles sometimes. I stress over something to the point of being ridiculous, when really it's not even worth my time to stress about it at all. So I decided to try something new, it's called not stressing. Going with the flow. Letting things happen. Not getting worked up. (I can see your jaw dropping. Relax. Breathe with me.) How about that, huh? Just let things go. If I feel like doing something, by golly, I'm gonna do it! And lemme tell ya folks, I'm a weird kid. I think after moving to California, it kinda threw off my zen. That whole thing about moving to another place and recreating yourself is what I really tried to do. I loved the idea of moving away from Utah, to a place where hardly anyone knew me, and just being myself! The problem with that was I would often fight this internal battle with myself; who was I really? Did I really know who I was trying to become? If I didn't know, how could these other people know?

I had to get to a point inside that I knew who I was, and I was completely ok with myself, flaws and all. It's a hard place to get to, and if I'm being completely honest, I think it's a process; I don't think I'm there yet, but I'm definitely way better than I was 6 months ago. It's a place of self confidence and trust in myself that I thought I had before, but realize now that I didn't.

On an unrelated, but sort of related note, I stole the title of this post from Aladdin. Let's analyze for a second, shall we? Aladdin: a poor street urchin, came from nothing, destined for nothing. Jasmine: a rich princess, came from riches, destined to marry someone she doesn't love. What happens? Well, Aladdin, the street urchin destined for the poverish life he's always known, falls in love with the princess destined for a life far from his own. He chases her, he woos her, she falls in love with him, and they both get exactly what they wanted. Him, a life of riches and love, her, a life with someone she actually loves.

Pretty sweet what a genie can do, huh?

Ha, you thought I was going to say something about "chasing your dreams" or stuff like that! Silly reader...

But really though, chase your dreams, because the worst you can do is fail and learn the greatest lesson of your life, and that's still a heck of a lot better than standing still, don't you think?

Look at Aladdin. If he hadn't gone after that princess, he'd probably be in a jail.

So chase your dreams. Don't lose hope in yourself. I think you'll be pretty happy with the results.

Cheers, my dear, sweet readers. Cheers :) <3