Thursday, June 24, 2010

Let Them Eat Cake of Life

Well kids.  It's been a rough six months, as I'm sure you've all had time to figure out.  Not only did I go through a bunch of crappy stuff, but on top of that I've been so sick for the majority of these past six months that it made it impossible to hold a job.  Since my body doesn't react well to pain killers in general, I couldn't usually take those, because they just made me feel crappier.  I couldn't go to school, I couldn't go to work...

But I'm really not here trying to say "oh, wo is me.." because really, I feel quite the opposite.  While I may have gone through all that junk, I look back at it, and I don't look at it as wasted time.  I feel blessed that Heavenly Father is helping me to look at this with a positive attitude.  It's a part of my life, it happened, and what do I have to be ashamed of? Like I said a couple posts back, the Lord lets us go through things, and if we didn't go through them, we wouldn't end up being the children of Him that we are intended to be.

Once I made that decision to get a divorce, took it to the Lord and got the confirmation that it was right on several occasions, I knew I had to do it right away and, for once, not second guess myself.  I didn't.  After that decision, I would get one prompting that seemed a little bit like it might not work, but I followed it, and things worked out.  Then I get another one... same deal.  It's just amazing to me how once we prove to Heavenly Father that we have faith in Him and what he tells us to do, how much easier our lives get!

I look up to the women in my life that are going through situations a thousand times harder than my own.  And not just women, but children who suffer through abuse of all sorts and other things that are out of their control.  Anyone who has lived or is living a life like that and has no control over it, my heart breaks for them.  No one, absolutely no person on this earth has done anything so awful to deserve to be treated like they don't matter, because you DO matter.  There is no one on this earth that needs to put up with anyone else's bad actions.  In no way, shape, or form is that ever OK. It's amazing to me how good of a hold Satan can get on the hearts of men.  So many men and women have the potential to be fantastic husbands or wives or fathers or mothers, but they lose their way so easily, and then Satan has them.

I'm not anti-men, in fact, this experience has made me want a man that will treat me like a queen even more than I did before, and I thought I did! Every girl deserves that.  And I don't hate Taylor, that's not the emotion I feel toward him...I don't hate him, and I don't hope he dies or jumps off a cliff or anything.  I certainly don't love him, but I do pray that he has a happy life, it just won't be with me.  And I'm happy about that!

I am so blessed to have the gospel in my life.  Sometimes we just have to get on our knees and thank our Heavenly Father for the trials he puts us through.  Even though at the time you think it is the most horrible thing in the world, when it all comes together, you realize how beautiful His plan for you is.  Does anyone remember that little story about the mom and daughter making a cake...? Let me refresh your memory.


The teacher shared this story in her lesson today. I thought it was so good!

“Sometimes we wonder, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ or ‘Why did God have to do this to me?’ Here is a wonderful explanation. A daughter is telling her mother how everything is going wrong. She’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her, and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack. The daughter says, ‘Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.’
‘Here, have some cooking oil,’ her Mother offers.
‘Yuck,’ says her daughter.
‘How about a couple raw eggs?’
‘Gross, Mom!’
‘Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?’
‘Mom, those are all yucky!’
To which the mother replies: ‘Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!’

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when he puts these things in His order, they always work for good. We just have to trust him, and eventually they will all make something wonderful.
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He’ll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.” :)



Isn't that cool? He gives us all these raw eggs, cups of oil, and scoops of baking soda, all of which seem horrible on their own, but when you mix all of those supposedly bad things together, it makes a beautiful and delicious cake of life!!  I am having a really hard time writing out all the things I'm feeling right now, so I hope that you all get the jist of what I'm trying to say... yeah? :)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I want that...no, I NEED that...

Have you ever been so desperate for something that you will do just about anything to get it? Think about being a wee child... you smell those M&M's way up in the cupboard... you know they're just too out of reach, but the thought of that sweet chocolate melting all over your mouth makes you salivate... you want it... no, you need it... chair, where's the chair?... you drag it over... climb onto the counter, and put your chubby little hands up into the cupboard, feeling around for that luscious bag of M&M's... you feel the silky plastic against your fingers, and it feels OH so good... the gorgeous smell of chocolatey goodness wafts over you like smoke, except it's a good feeling instead of gag-worthy.. and then, you reach in, scoop up a handful of that beautiful, beautiful chocolatey pearl, and pop it inside your greedy mouth... OH THE JOY!!!

Well it's kind of like that.

I want a job... no, I NEED a job... so bad, SO BAD, that I'll do just about (I said just about, people...) anything to get it.  I have stuck my stinking resume into the hands of so many managers, I think I may just absent mindedly reach into my bag and start pulling out different objects and start handing them to strangers... I just don't know what to do with myself.  I just need a job folks.

I just don't really have much else to say.  There are a good many things on my mind, but really after that whole little fiasco with he-who-must-not-be-named, and I think we all know to whom I refer, I'm just really not in the mood to pour my heart and soul out into this big-little white box here... but worry not, gentle readers, I will be soon enough!!

Also, I would like to personally thank all of you for all your love and support while I'm going through all this.  I am happier than I have been in such a long time, and I know a million percent that I am making the right choices.  I also hope you all know that I love you :)

Friday, June 18, 2010

The Reality of Your Ugly Toes.

Oh toes.  Have you ever thought about just how remarkable your ugly toes are? And don't even pretend to be offended when I say your toes are ugly, because you know the sad truth.  Anything that spends THAT much time on the floor can't be seriously attractive.  Unless you are my Aunt Shannon whose toes are as elegantly sculpted as her beautiful fingers... but I digress.  Hideous toes are remarkable things! I remember once in the second or third grade, an ex-smoker came to speak to us about, go figure, not smoking.  Smoking had ruined his life.  He had suffered from lung cancer, throat cancer, and not only that, but it messed up his blood supply to his legs so badly that they had to be amputated.  He went on to tell us that he missed his toes.

Missed his toes? I hated toes.  Toes are ugly.  Feet are ugly.  Not that not having toes or feet is any more attractive than having such ugly appendages...

"Toes," he said, "allow you to keep your balance, and not fall over all the time."

"What is this nonsensical talk?" I thought to myself, "Balance? What the sweet Huckleberry Finn..."
He went on to tell us how once he lost his toes it was like he had to relearn how to walk.  No longer could he feel the ground beneath his toes...

Then I thought of The Witches.  You all know the book.  Roald Dahl.  That creepy book about the ladies that are bald and have NO TOES! I'm serious.  I began thinking about what the world would be like if we all had block feet... We would all be falling over, making fools of ourselves, wearing tissue box shoes...

I decided then and there that I loved my ugly toes.

Eleven years later, I sit here with a laptop upon my knees, contemplating the value of my second littlest toe on my right foot.  I mean, really, if I just ask them to kindly cut off that one toe, what's it really gonna do me? So maybe I will trip 10% more often than I already do... big deal? I'll have a sweet battle wound to tell anyone that ever asks! Seriously, I'm about ready to chop it off myself.

It all started a year or two ago.  Ish.

"Mom, my toe hurts."
"Why? What did you do to it?"
"I have no idea... all I know is when I walk it goes like this *pop* *crack* *pop* *crack*..."
"Well... that's not good.  Stop doing that."
"...Ok. But it hurts to do anything to it.  I can't paint my toes, I have to brace myself when I cut them!! Cut it off, please!"

So I go see my chiropractor.

"Dr. Stone, my toe hurts."
"Well why's it doing that?"
"That's kinda why I came to see you... you see, it goes, *pop* *crack* *pop* *crack*... when I walk, and if anything touches it, I scream."
"Does it hurt when I do this?"
"*wince* Yes..."
"How about this...?"
"*wince, whinny* YES...."
"OK, how about we stop doing that... Now, if I just go like this... *pop* how does that feel?"
"Well... better, but the second I take a step, it pops out again!"
"...hmmm..."

So here we are.  When Makenna gets angry she likes to go running.  Well, I got angry and went running.  What did my toe do? Oh, it just decided to pop out of its socket.  And stay that way.  On top of that, I started my new job yesterday.  It's supposed to be a door to door job.  Ha.  Can you just imagine how that went?

"Hi, let's walk for half an hour and make the pain in your foot excruciatingly painful, so you can't walk on it for the next week!"
"Yay! What a fun idea! I'm so excited!"

And now I can't walk on it.  So, I made sure I was still on my insurance plan, called the lovely doctor's office, made an appointment with a doctor that not only do I not know, but has a last name that would imply that he does not have the most productive work ethic.  Now, don't call me shallow for judging a doctor by his last name alone, because let's be honest here, we do it all the time.  It's like when we read books... we don't actually read the book, you like a book a whole lot more when it's attractive to look at, because then you look attractive when you are reading an attractive looking book! Please, people.

Ok, so I'm a liar, but still.  I just want them to chop my toe off, because nothing thus far has worked.  I vet wrapped in purple Vet Wrap, thanks to my dear friend Kaity Wim, and it feels marginally better, but it still feels like someone pinched my nerve between two ice cubes or red hot chili peppers, I'm not sure which sensation it most resembles.  Either way, I'm almost hoping they make me get surgery, because I seriously can't stand this anymore.  Sarah, set your laser to stun, and stun my freaking toe for eternity!