The Celiac Gut

I'm kind of a skinny kid.  I always have been.  Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, or that it's anything fantastic.  It just is.  However, when I was 12 (the year I was intensely ill) my 5'6" body whittled down to a skeletal number on the scale.  Since then, it has been really hard for me to gain any weight, and up until I graduated high school, I was still toothpick skinny.  Now, (finally!) I am at an almost normal weight, but I'm still thin.

But there is this one thing... One little thing, just one teensy, tiny, itty bitty thing that's just buggin' the dirt out of me, because I've NEVER had to deal with anything remotely similar to this before in my LIFE!

I fondly refer to this phenomenon as...

The Celiac Gut.


You heard me.  Gut.  Like the gut in "Beer Gut," only minus the beer.

You see, dear readers, I have a condition.  A disease, if you will.  Celiac Disease.  It's a particularly frustrating thing to have, because everything I eat has usually come in contact (inadvertently) with some glutenous substance, thereby creating a very unpleasant sensation to occur within my bowels, and usually in my mouth, too.

It's rather annoying for everyone around me, I'm sure.  You see, when I attend social gatherings of various sorts, I inform my formal (or informal) host (or hostess) of my condition, and they usually accommodate me with copious amounts of appropriate food and nourishment.  However, my body also likes to do this stupid thing where it has allergic reactions to things that I wasn't allergic to last week.  Therefore, I do not know what foods to avoid, and which to ingest.

Sadness inevitably ensues.  But not for very long.  It usually lasts about 5 seconds.

I know at this point you are wondering where I was going with all this.  I will tell you.

When I eat anything glutenous, my body gets angry at me for feeding them this hazardous substance, inadvertent though it may be.  The way my body shows me how angry it is, is as follows:

1. Intense mouth sores.  At first, this was the tell-tale sign that something was amiss.  It basically felt like my mouth was covered in the cuts and sores you get from eating way too much pineapple... times ten.  That's the best way to describe it.  It hurt to eat anything, brush my teeth... kinda miserable.

2. A belly very much in pain.  Later, as I discovered that gluten was that something, I noticed the pain in my gut.  You see, once I removed gluten from the picture and my gut started feeling better, then I noticed the intense pain I got when I accidentally ate anything glutenous.

3. Extreme fatigue.  I don't know if this happens to any other Celiac victims, but oft times I will simply feel like crap.  Tired, even though I have done nothing strenuous, sleepy, even though I have slept copious amounts, and achy.

4. The Celiac Gut. I know this is the one you have been waiting for.  After all, it IS the title of my post.  You see... whenever I eat anything glutenous, I ALWAYS get this really stupid GUT! This is the "thing" that haunts me.... all my toothpick-y life I have had very little of any sort of protrusion on any part of my body, so when I ingest gluten, I tend to get very saddened, because the great gut protrusion appears atop the jeans and ceases to disappear for days!!!

Oh well.  The very cute boy says he sees no gut, but sometimes I wonder if he just thinks it's fun to poke.

I don't think it's fun to poke.