I am not Clark Kent, I am Superman.

More often than not I find myself lifting up my head just enough to where I look like an nerdy snob whenever I wear my glasses. You know the look - your glasses are just too low, but you either don't have the hands to push them up where they belong, you're just too lazy, or, in my case, your eyelashes are too long for you to really be wearing glasses anyway, but since you do, you can only shove them up so far on the bridge of your nose before they're running into your eyeballs, so you are destined to look like a nerdy snob. The only option I have is to lift my chin up so I can see. Thus, resulting in the nerdy snob look. Ah well, I blame genetics for both my bad eyes and my bug eyes. I get the bug eyes from my mother - big eyes with really long eyelashes. I only have 12 eyelashes, though - 3 on each lid. They're long though! Ok, slight exaggeration, but in comparison to my sister, I feel like I have 12 eyelashes! Who I got the bad eyes from, though, would take too long to explain, seeing as my parents both have 20/20 vision. Riddle me that, Poindexter.

Glasses are a funny thing. They can totally change the way you feel about yourself. I'm serious! When I don't wear my glasses, I feel different because, for one thing, everything is slightly fuzzy, I find myself squinting a bit, but I do feel more "present" and aware. When I do wear them though, I feel like I've stepped into a different persona! But... now that I use that analogy, I realize that it's more like Superman stepping into Clark Kent more, and to be honest, I've never been a huge Clark Kent fan. Superman is a different story; he's super cool, I mean, he's a superhero, of course he's super cool! But Clark Kent... I just could never get past his super awkwardness. We have all met nerds in our lives, and actually, I'm pretty sure we're all nerds about one thing or another. Me? I'm a Doctor Who nerd, and so proud of it. But that's another story entirely. Another time, readers, another time. Back to nerds. We all know nerds! Why is it that some nerds are super cool, and some are just... awkward? Well, I don't think I need to explain much more, but Clark Kent is just an awkward nerd. Clark Kent people skills - 0. Superman people skills - a bajillion. I don't understand why this is, because he's still the same guy, he just wears his underwear on the outside of his spandex and added a cape. How is THAT cool?

I don't wear my underwear outside of my spandex when I take my glasses off, I assure you. My glasses, though, are kind of indie, and they make me feel pretty hip and stylin' whenever I wear them. People seem to recognize me less when I wear them, though. In fact, my bishop didn't recognize me the first time I wore them to church. He came up to me later and apologized for not saying, "hello!" because he didn't know it was me.

Isn't that funny how just one little thing can change you? No one would look at Clark Kent and go, "oh hey, I'm pretty that guy is Superman!" even though they look identical... but that's not the point. Superman has made us believe that changing the way that we look will change who we are, and even turn us into superheroes. Can we really change that much about ourselves in just the blink of an eye? My mom and I were talking today about our recent move to California. Every time we moved cities in Utah she would tell me that I had the opportunity to take all the things about myself that I didn't like and change them. I had the chance to become a better person.

Most of the times I moved around was when I was younger. Looking back now, I can't remember what things I didn't like about myself that I decided to change, because they probably weren't terribly important. I think I was always the same person, but when you're in one place for so long, sometimes you become complacent with who you are, and your desire to progress as a person kind of slips away. Sometimes it's not because you don't want to change; sometimes it's because everyone already sees you as one thing, even though that may not be who you want to be. As human beings, we often get caught up in how others view us, when that, in reality, is hardly important. Are you who you want to be? Does God know who you are? Those are the things that really matter. God knows the intentions of your heart. He knows who you really are, even if no one else seems to see that. The important thing is that you portray the best you that you have.

Who we are on the inside can often be reflected by what we wear, how we carry ourselves, our demeanor, our attitude, and how we treat others. But just as often as those reflections are true, those reflections can be false. Too often, we use these things as a mask to cover who we really are, to cover up the things we don't like about ourselves. Is Clark Kent really a nerd, or is he really Superman?

I think he's Superman. The nerd is just a cover. He doesn't want people to really know that he's Superman; he doesn't want everyone to know that he has all these killer abilities and that he's super awesome! So he hides behind a desk, his glasses, his suit and tie and awkward glances. But I am not Clark Kent. I am Superman. And so are you! What have you got to be ashamed about? God made you, and He knew what He was doing when He did it. I've struggled in the past with certain things about myself. When I was 12 I got really sick and lost a lot of weight, weight that didn't come back until I graduated high school. When I did start to gain weight, it really messed with my mind. I knew I needed to gain weight in order to be healthy, but I couldn't help but feel fat. I fought those feelings, and thank goodness I shared them with my mom and my Heavenly Father, otherwise I honestly think I could have gone anorexic. I hid that about myself for a long time, though. But I know the Lord made me the way He did, and now I'm really grateful for a healthy body that works, even if I still struggle with loving the way that I look.

Inside, we have greatness. We're given so much. Don't hide the super inside you! I want so badly to take all the girls in high school by the hand and tell them how beautiful they are, and tell them that the things they think matter right now, won't matter in 5 years. I want to tell them all the things that are special about them. I want to tell them how being unique makes them more wonderful. I want to tell them that the boys who break their hearts will regret it later. I want to tell them that

Kim Kardashian is my idol for one reason - she rocks her big booty. I don't "quite" have a Kim Kardashian booty, but my mom and sister are both built straight up and down, they don't got no hips. And when I say they don't got no hips, I mean it... they don't got NO hips. My sister and I were at Goodwill trying on jeans last week, and I tried on one pair of jeans that fit just fine around my legs, but there ain't no way those jeans was fittin' around my hips. So I handed them to my little sister, and *whoosh* they slid right on. I had to notice that the jeans fit around her legs the same way they fit around mine, but they were almost loose around her waist. It was amazing to me how we could be built so differently. The opposite thing happened when we were trying on shirts. She would try on a shirt that fit her too tightly around the... uh, chest... and then she would hand it to me to try on. I would put the same shirt on, and all the sudden my... uh, chest... disappeared.

But I'm learning to love it. And this is why I love Kim Kardashian. Don't judge me. I know, Keeping up with the Kardashians leaves something to be desired, to say the least, but I love that Kim and Khloe aren't size 0's, and they're proud of it! I know I'm still thin, I'm not fat by any means, and I know it might sound silly to some of you, but I honest to goodness have struggled with feeling fat for a long time. One thing that my new-found womanly figure has helped? More and more people believe me when I say I'm old enough to drive! I can't tell you how many times I get people asking me when I graduate high school instead of when I graduate college. Oh well, I'll look good when I'm 50, right?

Well, I'll quit my babbling. Go be super, and don't hide behind your Clark Kent glasses!

Till next time, gentle readers, stay awesome. :)

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Right now, at this very moment, I am getting chills from a beautiful rendition of Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing. Have you ever heard the version that's in Reflections of Christ? I think it may be my favorite. The version I'm listening to right now is by two missionaries, one on the piano, and one singing, and they're doing the version from Reflections of Christ! He sings so passionately, it's so beautiful! Now, everything sounds better in a studio, but I think they sound pretty spectacular on this recording, so just imagine what chills they must have been giving everyone live. I can only imagine the spirit that was there!

Since this is my 100th post (finally!) I thought at first that it might be a good idea to do something special... but... I changed my mind. I have so many things on my mind that I would rather just blog what's on my mind. For those of you who don't know, I recently packed up and moved to California, the sweet, sweet land of California! Needless to say, the weather is heavenly, the gas prices and every other prices, not so much. Thankfully, the good outweighs the bad. I love my ward, I love living with my family, I love that there are dances every weekend, I love that it's October and it's still in the 80's, I love that there is always something to do, I love that all the members of the church hang out together, but most of all, I love that I know this is where the Lord wants me to be. That knowledge alone makes living here so exciting. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Faith is a funny thing, isn't it? It requires a lot of action. When I got the answer to move here, I definitely knew the Lord was telling me, and He was telling me to move NOW. Now, usually, when an answer comes that distinctly, and that strongly, there is good reason for it. My sweet, adopted grandma pulled out this talk when I told her that I was moving 8 1/2 hours away. She pointed out that, as Elder Bednar points out, revelation is usually received line upon line, like a light switch dimmer. At first you can see nothing, then the next second, you can start the make out objects, but there are no details, but slowly, as the switch is turned onto its' full power, you can eventually see the whole picture. Occasionally, though, the Lord will give us revelation like turning on a light switch in a pitch black room. Sometimes it has to do with our safety, other times it has to do with someone else's safety, sometimes it means it's just important, and still other times the Lord wants to know that we will do what He commands. Regardless the reason, it's important to follow whatever the Lord tells you to do exactly when He tells you to do it.

And I couldn't be happier that I did. That's not to say that leaving Utah wasn't extremely and painfully hard, because it was. There are so many wonderful people, so many family members, so many people who I feel are as close as family members, that I left. Thankfully, they've been nothing but supportive. I can't honestly say why exactly the Lord wanted me to come here, but that's not really the point. The Lord has an infinitely better plan for me than I could ever make for myself. That much I do know. :)

But life is hard. When is life not hard? If your life isn't hard, you might want to start worrying. My dad gave me some great counsel recently - "Life is only going to get harder."

At the time that was exactly the OPPOSITE of what I wanted to hear, but I'm actually really glad he said it, and it couldn't be truer! Amidst one trial or another, the biggest thing is just wishing it to be over, finding a way to sidestep it, begging for time to fast forward. And then, once that trial is behind me, I realize that it has now become one of the greatest and most defining moments in my life. That's not to say I would ever wish to relive them, nor do I wish them on anyone else, but I definitely would never want to erase them. I'm grateful for every trial Heavenly Father has put in my path. I'm grateful for the woman it's made me today, and I know I would be nothing without Him. There are so many things I could never learn without Him guiding me every step of the way. What would we be without experiencing pain? Without knowing the bitter, how could we ever know the sweet? Without sadness, how could we know joy? So then, how is a trial not an incredible blessing that we should be thanking our Father in Heaven for?

Stephanie Nielson is one inspiring lady. She honestly makes me want to never complain about anything ever again. If you don't know who she is, check out her blog here, read up a bit, watch the videos on the right, and be inspired. It's bound to happen. I am in awe of this woman. An ordinary woman, with an ordinary, and wonderful life that suddenly got flipped upside down when she got in a near fatal plane accident that left 3rd and 4th degree burns on 80% of her body - including her face. It took months in the hospital to heal, and when her youngest child saw her for the first time after she had healed up enough, she turned away, scared. I can't imagine the heartbreak Stephanie must have felt! The thing she first saw that was still her own was her eyes - Heavenly Father had let her keep her eyes. Now THAT is a trial to overcome. But in one of her videos (it's on lds.org entitled My New Life) she says this is her new life, this is who she is now, and she is going to thank the Lord for every second of it, thank Him for sparing her life.

How often do we do that? How often do we thank the Lord, sincerely, for giving us our lives each and every day? Because we honestly owe Him that, and everything else. Our lives belong to Him, and since they do, shouldn't we be putting our entire lives into His capable hands? We're sent here to be like Him, and what better way to be like Him than to let Him show us how?

The gospel is true. The church is true. God is real, He lives, and so does Jesus Christ, who is my brother, He is your brother, and He loves you more than you understand. I love this gospel, I love this life, I'm grateful for every dysfunctional toe, every cold finger, every hair, every pound, every step on the treadmill, every blink, every thought, every movement, every feeling, every bite I can eat, every breath I can take, and not only am I grateful, I'm indebted. Isn't it remarkable that as thick as we are as mortals, God still grants all these wonderful, beautiful blessings to us? We will forever be indebted to Him; we will never be able to repay him.

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