What was later referred to as "The Great Social Media Purge"

So I've been around for 22 years, right? Right. Sometimes it feels like a long time, and other times it feels like just yesterday that mom caught me sitting in the cupboard 
eating m&ms.
Wait. That was last week... Huh. Anyway.
I remember when pogs and nanopets were all the rage. I remember when I would beg to get on my dads laptop that had the click-in mouse just so I could "play paint" or solitaire. I remember when an exciting day consisted of stringing up my barbies between the branches of our walnut tree and having my brother's G.I. Joe's save them. I remember spending an afternoon burning our initials into the wooden frame of our sandbox in the backyard. I remember dividing our bedroom, I remember drawing on everything I could get my hands on, I remember cardboard box surfing down our stairs. I remember the huge dip in my best friend's driveway, and fishing for worms in"Lake Echols" after a big rain storm. I remember swimming in the most redneck swimming pool possible on a hot summer day, an old silo lined with all the heavy plastic our small town had. I remember riding our bikes to "The Hollow" and getting attacked by mosquitoes, and vowing to never go again, but going the next week because of the rope swing. I remember pretending to be a rock star on our electric piano because it had like 100 different sounds. I remember laying upside down on the couch in front of our giant front window and watching the snow fall. I remember we asking mom for grilled ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast, because I could. I remember painting gramps and grans "Little House," and putting our handprints on the back door. I remember mom and gran kicking is out of the kitchen because they wanted to eat all the chocolate cookies. I remember crying that hershey's chocolate was unchanged since 1960 whatever, and "why can't we be like that?" when I found out we were moving. I remember lending my "My Little Pony" to my cousin, and the utter devestation I felt when I knew I'd never see them again. I remember the sound of bells everyday from the nearby campus. I remember feeding the neighbor dog "Shaka berries," because his name was Shaka and he loved those berries. I remember going to the cougar eat with gran and feeling so grown up around all those college students. I remember the year it snowed up to my waist and I wondered if we were going to get snowed in. I remember having sailboat races in the irrigation ditches. I remember getting to ride my horse for my 7th birthday at my.house instead of driving to see him and feeling like a princess. I remember making a worm farm, forgetting about it, and coming back to some very dry, very dead worms. Oops. I remember singing to myself in the mirror. I remember tetherball tournaments in my backyard. I remember writing books and poems and songs. I remember reading from the time the sun came up until my eyes burned I remember my childhood being ridiculously awesome.
Then I grew up.
Not to say my adult life hasn't been awesome, because it has. But all those things I used to do as a little kid... When did I stop doing that? And why? I can understand maybe not trying the worm farm again, but pretty much everything else, where's the rules that say you have to grow up and get boring?
So that's my mission this month. Be awesome again.
I wonder just how much of my life has been wasted on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Now, I don't necessarily think any of these is a complete waste of time, but I wonder how many better things I could be doing if I rid my life of these potential time wasters (and let's be honest, I really did waste a lot of time on them).
Whatever happened to drawing on everything I could get my hands on? Or singing to myself in the mirror? Well, I still so that... Or whatever happened to being a rockstar on the electric keyboard? Or going to the hollow for fun? Or laying upside down to watch snow fall?
I don't want to miss things in my life that I could be good at. I can draw, I can paint, I can sing, I can play the piano, I can write, I'm a great reader, I can do so many things that I don't do enough of! So I'm purging myself of social media as an experiment... just how much can I accomplish in my free time when I'm not filling it with Facebook and other social media?
Guess we'll see, loves. ;)
Here's to life. Because it's amazing. <3

Thanks to our founding fathers.

This post won't be very humorous. I'm taking this time to share my thoughts on something I think all American and people who love America should take the time to consider and reflect upon. Thanksgiving is an American holiday, true, but its not really devoted to gorging ourselves in preparation for our new years resolutions a month later. Thanksgiving really is a time to think back on our nations history and be thankful not only for what we have, as citizens of such an amazing nation, but also to be thankful to those incredible men who founded our country and be respectful of how it was done. Even if you are not religious, I hope you will take the time to read this post and really give respect to the amazing men who put their faith in God as they built the nation that you both enjoy and complain about everyday. They deserve that much.

Sitting on each plate at thanksgiving dinner was a rolled up piece of paper. Grandma asked each of us to open it and read along as my aunt read it aloud. On the paper was  written this letter by George Washington, October 3, 1789:

"Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affirming them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness.

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to service of that great and glorious Being who is the Beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the courses and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now instituted; for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations, and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our national government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and generally, to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand, at the city of New York, the 3rd day of October, AD 1789
George Washington."

Remember what was done to make this wonderful nation what it is. Remember what those men had to go through to make it so. Remember what this country was founded on. Remember to be thankful. You'll feel better, I promise.

No sleep tonight, I have a story to tell.

So tonight I lay here, sleepless. The last time this happened, I pulled an accidental all-nighter, and I am not about to let that happen again, because I can't tell you how miserable of a day that was for all parties involved. So instead of repeating one of history's worst days, I decided to do what I feel I must do, and that is share my story.
One of my stories, that is. See, last time I lay sleepless, I had a feeling that I just needed to share something, but I decided it could wait till morning. But that feeling kept me up till I responded to it at 4 in the morning, and by then I figured I may as well get up and get ready for the day since I was wide awake, and ravenous...
Like I said: not ready to repeat that.
So, since I must be up in approximately 6.5 hours, I'm here typing away on the keyboard of my smart little phone to share my innermost feelings with you. And I hope that I say what I should.
For the past several months, I've had some specific things on my mind. One of which has been the topic of religion. I was brought up a member of the LDS church. But just like everyone must at some point, I had to find my own testimony and know for myself that it was true. I never had much trouble believing as kid, nor in my teenage years, but when I turned 19 my life changed drastically in an instant. I found myself neck deep in a world that I thought only existed in other people's lives - something you only see on t.v. or hear about happening to other people. It could never happen to me, could it?
And yet there I was, quickly losing everything that made me who I was, desperately grasping onto everything I had been taught and believed to keep myself sane and alive. I had no idea who I was anymore, I'd even forgotten what my own laughter sounded like. I spent more nights crying than my entire life put together, but soon, I stopped crying altogether. I was numb. Numb to pain, numb to happiness. I stopped feeling almost everything. I've never felt more alone or abandoned. Life was cold and dark. And I was shattered.
This was probably one of the lowest points I have ever reached in my life. My parents, although the most supportive and loving beings on the planet (at least in my book), were states away from me at the time, and after talking with them about it for a while, we knew it was for the best that they stay where they were, and that I stay where I was. They were there for me emotionally, and never more than a phone call away, but physically I just felt so alone and helpless.
I was never really one to ask why things happened to me in life, because I always understood that there are circumstances that are beyond control, and you don't get to pick your lot in life. But there were times that I just cried and wondered what I was supposed to do with myself after all this? and how could I ever forgive this person? and if I couldn't, what kind of person did this make me? how was I supposed to live with myself? and how would I ever find anyone who didn't see ms as 'tainted' or 'flawed'? was I stupid? or naive? how could I not have seen this coming?
All these and probably hundreds more questions haunted me every single day. For years.
Now, I know there are plenty of people who aren't religious who go through situations similar to my own, and they get through it and lead happy lives. That's not what I'm writing this for. I'm not here to argue or bible bash with anyone. I'm here to tell you my story. I'm not here to shove anything down anyone's throat. It's not my place nor my intent. But I want to tell you who I am. And this is largely what makes me who I am.
Like I said before, physically, geographically, I felt so alone. Being single and being alone are two incredibly different things, because I know firsthand how truly alone you can be with someone right next to you.
I literally had nothing but my faith to turn to. The little bit of me I had left, I threw at the Lord's feet, and just begged for Him to pick me up and make me whole again.
For my high school graduation, over four years ago, my parents gave me a ring that I still wear to this day. It's misshapen, it has been lost, absolutely worn out, but I never take it off...and this is why: on the ring, engraven so small I can barely read it, is the Footsteps Poem.

'So I said to the Lord, "You promised me Lord, that if I would follow you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods in my life there have been only one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most you have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand is when I carried you."'

I have no words. Typing that poem brought me back to every moment I've ever felt this in my life. Actually, typing this whole story has brought me back to all the times I've ever felt this. And that's just it. Religion may not be logical, but I can never deny the reality of God after being brought through my own personal hell by what I know was the Lord's arms. I don't pretend to be a genius, or to be able to explain much of anything, but I can tell you I know what God has brought me through, and where He has brought me today, and I wouldn't change a thing. What I went through was horrific to me, and I wish it upon no one. But I wouldn't trade it for anything because of the knowledge of Christ's atonement that I have now. I've never known so much pain, but I've never known so much peace. There's nothing in this physical world that can take away the pain and hatred and bitterness that was in my soul, but the atonement did exactly that. I don't want to live my life bitter at someone, or hating them for anything. It does them no harm at all - they don't hurt when I hate them! But it causes me pain everyday - I have to relive that hell every time I take the time to hate him. Who wants to live that way? I refuse to live that way. I refuse to give him or anyone that power over me. That's what Christ did for me. Gave me the power to love again. He didn't just make me me again, He made me so much more of a person than I was before. I liked who I was before, but I'm so much more now. But I could never ever be the person I am today without the atonement of Jesus Christ. I just couldn't.
And that's why I can't deny my religion. It's not something I can logically explain to you, and I will never try to. It's a feeling. Plain and simple - the best feeling.
<3

I have deep thoughts, on occasion, although they are usually drug induced.

The title of this post is, sadly, very true.

You see, I have chronic migraines. Unfortunately, the only thing that actually works is taking a Lortab, Percocet, or chugging a Monster. I'm a pretty Chatty Patty on those babies. Filter? What filter? Philosophical thoughts? I have plenty, and don't worry, you'll hear them all, because I won't let you get a word in, sweetheartc and that's ok, because I'm really funny anyway. Oh, funny? Please, I'm a freaking comedian, and I know it. I don't need you to laugh at me, I'll laugh at me, because I know I'm funny, and I know you know it, too, because even though you're not laughing, oh, wait, no, you're laughing. See? Told you I was funny. I don't even think I'm funny, because I don't have to think I'm funny, because I know I'm funny. You should ask me for advice, too, because I'll give you the best advice, especially right now. Hey, tell me how funny I am. I can sing too, have you heard me sing? I'll sing for you, shh. Listen. See, wasn't that good? No, it was great. Why am I not famous? I should be famous, I probably am famous, I just know it would be too much work to be famous, so I'm not. We should tell these other people how funny I am. I should tell you a story, you'd like that, huh? K. I have really good stories and they're super funny, too. I don't know why people don't let me drive on these things, because I'm pretty sure I feel really good right now. Know what? I still have a migraine. Guess what? I can feel it. Right here, see, right here. But guess what else? I don't even care. Know why? Because I feel great. I don't even care that I have a migraine still, hear that, I don't care. But I still have one! But I don't care, you stupid migraine, I can still feel you, hahaaa. I feel good. Now I understand why people do drugs. I don't think I would ever do alcohol, no, I totally wouldn't do alcohol, but drugs, I think I understand why people do drugs. But drugs are bad. Oh, I think if I weren't Mormon I might do drugs though. That's good that I'm Mormon, huh? I don't like drugs, but I feel really good. And I'm super funny. Why isn't anyone else talking? It's because I'm so funny, huh? It's ok, I'll keep talking, it's fine. You guys are funny too, though. Did we pass our exit? Wait, where are we going? Did I want to go? I don't remember. Did I eat yet? It's ok, I'm not hungry anyway. I think. Maybe I should eat anyway. Hey, I don't even care that I have a migraine right now. I wish I had more friends in low places. Do we have friends in low places, mom? I just don't want to have to pay for these. But it's the only thing that works. Migraines suck. Where are we going? Wait, I like this song. HIIIIIII! Ha, do you think they'll wave back? Hey, they didn't wave back, that's rude, RUUUUDE! Mom, let's make faces at them. Ready? FAT FACE..... ha, did you see that?! Let's do it again. Ready?! HA! I made my upper lip disappear, cool huh? Hey, he laughed. He knows I'm funny, too! I like that guy. Let's do it again. Mom, where are we going? Did I eat yet?

That's a typical conversation I might have....on happy pills with a migraine. It's embarrassing, but...you'd probably laugh just because I'm that freaking ridiculous, and you might actually laugh because you're embarrassed for me. Don't be, I am clearly not embarrassed.

In all reality,and for all those times I can't take a Lortab or a Monster, they are incredibly debilitating and, although I am learning to live with them, they have brought on a multitude of strange problems.One of those problems? Lapses in memory. I'm not kidding. If you have a conversation with me while I have a migraine, please don't even expect me to remember 80% of it. Sometimes it doesn't just affect my memory during my migraine. I just have a really bad memory now in general. Just the other day my mom and I were having a conversation about dinner, at least I am pretty sure we were (she says yes, we were), and suddenly I stopped and said, "Wait, mom, did you say something about pancakes?" She paused, crinkled her brow and said, "Yes... like... ten minutes ago... I was talking about those oven pancakes, the ones with the apples on them..."

Needless to say I was puzzled.

And would have probably been embarrassed had it been anyone but my mother.

Anyway, I have no memory with my migraines now, that much is true. But what helps with my migraines, you ask? What a good question reader, let me tell you.

I have had these migraines ever since I was a kid, but not chronically. I would get a few every year growing up, and they would knock me on my butt and I would just cry until I realized that crying made my head hurt worse, so I would just let the tears leak on out because I couldn't sob. Draped in cold washcloths from head to toe, I would lay there and try and sleep, get blessings from my sweet daddy, and wait it out. I remember one particular time when I was about six that I did exactly this. Laying on the big couch in our living room, straight across from the giant window...I made mom shut the blinds and cover my face with a washcloth. I just remember crying. I didn't know anything could hurt so bad.

Well, they didn't go away. About a year ago I got a free gym pass for a month, and I became obsessed. I LOVED the gym!! I would go almost everyday and elliptical my little heart out, then go lift weights to my hearts content. The only problem was my migraines were becoming more and more frequent, and they were becoming more severe. Finally, I was forced to stop working out altogether because my head just couldn't handle it. I had a migraine almost every other day. I was that crying six year old all over again.

They just got worse and worse. Tylenol did nothing, Excedrin didn't touch it, I felt so helpless. There was no way I could hold a job. It was miserable to even be awake, but my head was so bad I could hardly sleep. One day, when my parents were out of town, my head got so bad, one of the worst migraines I'd ever had. I called a member of the bishopric in my ward, just knowing I needed a blessing, otherwise there was no way I was getting through the night. I got a blessing and a few Flexarils to take. They didn't touch the headache, but luckily they knocked me out. The sad part is, sleeping doesn't get rid of them! It is pretty common for my migraines to last for days on end. One of them lasted 3 weeks. Murder. MURDER.

The only thing that helped me was taking a Lortab or a Percocet. I was still in pain, I was just too, shall we say high, to care at all. I was desperate for answers. I went to the doctor, who prescribed me one drug after another. Some didn't work at all, and some did until my body got used to it, then it would stop working all together. Talk about frustrating.

One day, I started sipping a Monster, and to my very pleasant surprise, my migraine faded. I was shocked. Had I finally found my miracle drug? All reason told me it was the crazy amounts of caffeine in the drink, so, logically, I went out and bought caffeine pills. Guess what? Nothing happened.

So, back to square one. My miracle drug was probably the most unhealthy thing I could possibly find, and I had to drink one everyday just to function without a migraine. I weighed the pros and cons. But I had a job, and I couldn't do that job with a migraine. So, I started my Monster diet. I had no clue why it worked, but it did, and I was not about to argue. But guess what? My body got used to that too, and they stopped working. So I backed off, and started dealing with the migraines again.

I'll be honest. I'm still dealing with them almost on the daily. My neurologist has me looking forward to menopause, though, as she seems to think that's the only way I'll be able to get rid of them. In the mean time, I ration my Monsters and Lortabs and only use them when I absolutely can't stand the migraine. Too bad it's everyone else that can stand me with a migraine. I can be a tad beastly when they hit me real bad. I have such an angelic family.

I'm sure part of it is that I've just gotten used to the migraines, because even though I still get them often, I can usually still function for the most part, unless they get really really bad. You learn to live with things, and you have faith that the Lord will help you get through it all and accomplish the things that you need to get done. And that, my friends, I know He will. And He has! It is a constant battle, but you have to do your part before the Lord will do His. Keep fighting the good fight and never lose hope. The Lord will get you through whatever, just like He is going to get me through these migraines. Even if I have to live with them forever, He will make it possible for me to still have a life.

And maybe still embarrass myself once in a while with those Lortabs and Monsters....

Until next time, sweet readers.

Stay Hilarious.

<3 p="p">

But, I'm pretty sure these jeans fit yesterday...

I often complain about my weight. I'll be straight with you. I'm a girl, I look at other girls and sometimes wish that I had their legs, or their arms, or their twelve pack abs (this is rare, but not a lie). I look at their hair that dries perfectly out of the shower with longing. Full, luscious lips, perfectly tan complexions, nary a roll to be spied on their figure; these are all things I have seen on others and long to have myself.

When I have one of these moments, I am immediately brought back to my high school days. I was so thin. So thin to the point that I didn't really like it. I was too skinny. I had a figure, but everything was just too thin. Regardless, this look was my normal (I am not saying that this is your normal or anyone else's normal, it was just the way my body was at the time). I was used to things fitting a little loose, and when I did find something that fit me right, it was never long enough. I was used to it. I had good skin, I had naturally curly hair, I had a tan, and I was pretty happy with myself. I wasn't the most popular or the most athletic. I wasn't a cheerleader or in sports. I wasn't in student council, and I didn't "rule the school" by any means, but I was good with myself and I liked me.

Now, here's the weird part.

I stayed that thin and didn't fill out until I was 20 years old.

Yeah. Not 14. Not 16. Not even 18.

20.

Talk about hitting puberty a little late, right?

Well, suddenly I had hips that wouldn't fit into all my very favorite jeans! What mortified me the most about this was that I had to go shop for a whole new wardrobe. This is the girl who absolutely loves clothes but hates spending money. Worst. Nightmare. Ever.

It was basically an ENTIRE new wardrobe for this chick.

Yippee.

On top of all that, I didn't feel like myself anymore. I hadn't done anything differently - changed my diet or exercise routine, and if anything I was working out more than I ever had before. I still put on about 20 pounds in a matter of maybe 2 months. My used-to-be 100-105 pound frame was now a 120-125 pound frame. Granted, it was weight that I desperately needed, but I didn't care. I didn't feel the same - I didn't feel pretty. In my mind, my "pretty" was to be really thin. Now, when I looked at myself in the mirror all I saw was curves I didn't recognize, and it all just looked weird and so unattractive to my eyes. I hated it.

This went on for a while. I struggled with accepting and loving my new figure. I was pretty sure I was a good 6 years late on this whole changing thing, but I was not having it. Most girls go through this in Jr. High or High School, and here I was, a 20 year old woman feeling like a 14 year old adolescent girl. And just like any 14 year old, I felt like bursting into tears at the most inopportune moments, and sometimes, I did.

Lest you think that I'm still in this stage of acceptance, I assure you, I am not. But I'll get to that. Bear with me, dear readers!

Months ago I finally just came to the realization that this is how I am. I'm not fat by any means, but I'm no stick. I got curves, and I've grown quite fond of them. My hair is pretty straight, but now I have fun with that. Sometimes I miss the curly hair days, but my hair is still thick and holds a curl when I want it to, so it's not boring. This is how I am now, and there's nothing wrong with it!

But you want to know what really made me love this change in my appearance?

It was the fact that inside and out, I am a completely different person than I was two years ago.

And I couldn't be happier about it.

Heavenly Father blesses us in ways that we totally don't understand or recognize. Sometimes we recognize those blessings right away. Sometimes we don't recognize them for years. We may not recognize them throughout our entire lifetime! But they're there, and He does bless us.

For me, my "late puberty," or whatever you want to call it, was a huge blessing. I realized, with the help of my best friend and sister, that I was completely different from who I was years ago, and that it was a really good thing. Having to buy a new wardrobe turned out to be a huge blessing. This may sound silly, but the clothes I wore in high school and first year of college had so many memories attached to them that I really don't need to hold onto, and getting rid of them was sort of an emotional and mental detox for me. By throwing out my old wardrobe, I was saying get the freak out of my life you crazies goodbye forever to that phase of my life. What a blessing! Maybe my Father in Heaven knew that would be the best way to help me really say goodbye to that part of my life. He does know me better than I know me, after all.

Blessings come in the strangest ways, but in the most perfect ways as well. What seemed to be a really hard trial for me, turned out to be a blessing in disguise, but I was too caught up in my frustration and confusion to realize it at first. I realize now that I wasted so much time being upset and confused. Don't waste your time, my dears! There's too much life to enjoy, and if you're busy worried about yourself, you'll miss it all.

Until next time, sweet readers. <3

Haven't seen you in a few millennia... Gimme some tassle.

I currently feel like a horrible human being.

"Why," you may ask yourselves, "does this young woman feel like a horrible human being?"

Well. Let me tell you why, gentle reader, let me tell you.

I have failed you as readers.

I have! I have neglected your beautiful, beautiful selves. While I fail to see, sometimes, why anyone would want to read about my silly, humdrum life, I recognize that there are a few of you who genuinely enjoy my posts on here. I sincerely apologize for that, and I hope you can forgive me as I try to do my best to make up for it.

What made me stop posting for so long?

A case of serious writer's constipation, something far worse than whatever "writer's block" is. It was GENUIINE constipation, people. As in there weren't no way nothin's comin' outta these here fingers onto this here cyber page, nosirree. I just couldn't do it! I was in such a crampy (not crappy) place mentally, I guess, that I could just never bring myself to sit down and type. Putting too much pressure on myself was one of the biggest problems. I expect so much of myself sometimes, and when I fall short, it just kills me. The problem is, that instead of fixing the problem, I pretend I'm fine and ignore it, even though I'm totally not fine. That, clearly, happened with this blog.

But that's all about to change. Know why? Because I realized how much I miss writing. I'm no Edgar Allen Poe or Elizabeth Peters (shame be upon me for even considering a comparison), but I am me, and I like writing. So I write.

I have internal battles sometimes. I stress over something to the point of being ridiculous, when really it's not even worth my time to stress about it at all. So I decided to try something new, it's called not stressing. Going with the flow. Letting things happen. Not getting worked up. (I can see your jaw dropping. Relax. Breathe with me.) How about that, huh? Just let things go. If I feel like doing something, by golly, I'm gonna do it! And lemme tell ya folks, I'm a weird kid. I think after moving to California, it kinda threw off my zen. That whole thing about moving to another place and recreating yourself is what I really tried to do. I loved the idea of moving away from Utah, to a place where hardly anyone knew me, and just being myself! The problem with that was I would often fight this internal battle with myself; who was I really? Did I really know who I was trying to become? If I didn't know, how could these other people know?

I had to get to a point inside that I knew who I was, and I was completely ok with myself, flaws and all. It's a hard place to get to, and if I'm being completely honest, I think it's a process; I don't think I'm there yet, but I'm definitely way better than I was 6 months ago. It's a place of self confidence and trust in myself that I thought I had before, but realize now that I didn't.

On an unrelated, but sort of related note, I stole the title of this post from Aladdin. Let's analyze for a second, shall we? Aladdin: a poor street urchin, came from nothing, destined for nothing. Jasmine: a rich princess, came from riches, destined to marry someone she doesn't love. What happens? Well, Aladdin, the street urchin destined for the poverish life he's always known, falls in love with the princess destined for a life far from his own. He chases her, he woos her, she falls in love with him, and they both get exactly what they wanted. Him, a life of riches and love, her, a life with someone she actually loves.

Pretty sweet what a genie can do, huh?

Ha, you thought I was going to say something about "chasing your dreams" or stuff like that! Silly reader...

But really though, chase your dreams, because the worst you can do is fail and learn the greatest lesson of your life, and that's still a heck of a lot better than standing still, don't you think?

Look at Aladdin. If he hadn't gone after that princess, he'd probably be in a jail.

So chase your dreams. Don't lose hope in yourself. I think you'll be pretty happy with the results.

Cheers, my dear, sweet readers. Cheers :) <3

Things have to get so much worse in the process of getting better

To you faithful readers, I do sincerely apologize for not posting like... ever. I fail, completely. My bad, ya'll, my bad. But I'll make it up to you! Yes indeed, really. At least I think I will. My thoughts have been all over the place lately, and I can't even pinpoint a particular topic that they've been on, so let's just jump right in, shall we?
I read a quote today in a book that I started reading. It's called "Hearts in Hiding" by Betsy Brannon Green. She is an LDS author, and the book is actually pretty interesting. I'm a little cautious of novels by LDS authors, but my dear friend and employer, Ashna, recommended that I read it, and so far I have not been disappointed. The main character, Kate Singleton, is a young, pregnant widow. Her husband worked for the FBI and was killed in the line of duty. The operation her husband was involved in now wants Kate dead, so the FBI has put her into the witness protection program, moves from Chicago to a small town outside of Washington D.C. and part of her cover is to marry an agent who shares her LDS faith. The story follows her life there, and her adjustment to being legally married to a man she hardly knows. There was a quote in the book that really caught my attention, though. Kate is thinking to herself and says, "who would have thought that things have to get so much worse in the process of getting better?"

I read that quote and immediately had to write it down. In fact, I even tweeted it. Don't judge me.

But really though, who would think that things have to get worse in the process of getting better? Kate Singleton was really talking about her house being remodeled, not about life. So let's talk about remodeling a house, because I think it is the perfect analogy. Before the old house is renovated, it is livable, but it isn't comfortable, and it's nothing that Kate wants. It was built in the early 1900's, and doesn't seem like much has been done to keep it up. There's leaks in the roof, all of the wallpaper is old and torn in places, the pain is old and faded, the baseboards need sanding and staining, there are holes in some of the walls, and the wood floor is worn. Kate has two choices. She can live with the house as it is and just deal with the things that are wrong with it. After all, she's pregnant, and that would take a lot of work to fix up a house. Or, she could do the work it takes to fix up the house and make it more than livable, but make it better than it ever was before. It will take effort, and she will need help, but the reward in the end is that she has a house far greater than the house she first moved into.

I'm sure you're thinking, "well, of course she will remodel the house, duh."

I assure you, those are my thoughts exactly.

Well, let me tell you, she does remodel that house! I know you were in suspense.

So, aren't our lives kind of like that house? When suddenly you wake up and realize that you might need to remodel your life, I hope you don't NOT remodel it, just because you know it WILL get worse in the process of getting better. After her house is remodeled, though, it's 100x better than it ever was in the beginning. The same story could be told about our lives. Things HAVE to get worse before they get better. Things HAVE to be ugly for a short time before they get better. But that doesn't mean that the reward isn't worth it, because it always, always is.

I felt like that quote was the story of my life lately. Sometimes, it takes little things like that to help you understand what you are going through and make you feel better. God works in mysterious ways, but they're always the way that you need them. I wish I had more time to write, because I have more feelings than this, but, alas, I must go to class.

Farewell, dear readers. <3